My calendar looks like I'm a very busy, popular person with many detailed appointments and meetings of every kind.  This morning, I cancelled the two appointments I had this afternoon and took a long nap instead.  I can't go on seeing people and doing things all the time.  This is the last day of April, and it would have been good to get these last two things, chiropractor appt. and car mechanic appt., under my belt, but I just can't go on and on anymore.  I took a long nap this afternoon and just woke up.  I can't believe I have that kind of power! 

My last chiropractic appointment nearly wrecked me for good, I fear.  I was very stressed out and tight, and when the doctor made a couple of painful adjustments, my ears started ringing and I quickly developed severe pains in neck, shoulder, hip and leg.  I can't go back to him, even though I need something to be done about this pain and ringing in my ears.  I suppose he has been very fearful that this sort of thing could happen, and it did.  But I wish he would have followed through and fixed my neck and hip, at least.  The problem was that I could not remember, when it was happening, that I was there in his office getting an adjustment, and he apparently could see that something was very wrong.  Oh well!

Ah, but May is almost here!  What does that mean?  I get to turn the page on another crazy-ass month and hope that May will be better!  May will be as better than April, as April was better than March.  For reasons unknown but completely understood, this makes me want to cry.  I feel that I have just lost a month, chiropractically.  My eyesight has not improved at all (yes it has), my neck, et al. still aches and ears are ringing (a small setback), I see my daughter rolling her eyes as I repeat things five times.  I got to see the dentist:  I do not have a metal pin that was stuck in my tooth (eyes rolling), and I had my teeth cleaned, but do not understand why they need to see me again.  Today's appointments would have been a milestone to achieve, but I needed the nap I just woke up from.  And I've only mentioned the nap 3 or 4 times, woohoo! 

So what is the basis of my complaint?  It's that same old, same old, thing!  Life is the same as it was before.  I am going to be 70 years old in one week.  And I want it to be new and different, that's all.  I could just cry that if everything goes well, life will be the same as it was before.  If this was the olden times, I would not have made it back to this degree of liveliness, I would be either a vegetable slowly dying, or be dead already.  That is very ungrateful of me, and I should be sorry, but my heart rages that I still am faced with no prospects of anything new or different.  I want life, not continuing older age. 

I keep thinking of my grandson, who is entering the military about now, and I will hope and pray that he is successful in his efforts for all of us.  I am proud of his commitment and dedication. 

And I will get over this latest setback with my back acting up.  There's another doctor telling me that I should have heart surgery, but that is not going to happen.  Well, I've mentioned everything that's bothering me, which may help cure the crabbiness I feel.  Good work, but hope nobody gets bummed out by this! 

This getting better is a slowly, slowly daily improvement.  I no longer linger at the abyss, seeing death or collapse into helplessness.  I see that I'm not getting better faster, right now!  I don't dwell on it at all, just see that yardwork needs doing.  I picked up stuff today and got it loaded up into my truck, then (wisely) decided enough for one day.  Had lunch, then realized I was right to decide to quit for the day.  Laid out in the sun again for about 15 minutes. 

My Pepper was sick today, crying softly.  I thought she wanted more treats, which I am determined NOT to give her.  So I gave her one baby aspirin instead, in case she was crying because she was hurting, and she improved immediately.  Poor girl would have died to stay by my side; would not leave me even to potty.  So that is why I have been going out more and making her go out too.  I hope she gets well also.  What a faithful companion.  Also gave John a hug today to let him know I appreciate him, too.  All those dark thoughts I had seem to vanish in the bright springtime sunshine.  It rained hard early this morning, with great thunderclaps; everything has been refreshed by the downpour. 

Well, I can't have a new life, not now anyway.  I am trying to resign myself to my old life.  I can't read books anymore, either.  My new books came, and they are befuddling my eyes and brain.  My eyes are not improving anymore with just plain reading, getting worse.  And I'm dizzy all day long.  Also, my brain finds it hard to distinguish between my reality and the book's "reality."  So my dreams are trying to make sense of it all and I'm ending up dreaming about drawing a chocolate face in the mud that moves, smiles and speaks to me.  Things like that. 

John drove me to town today to take care of chores.  I paid all my bills and I'm back home, safe and sound.  It snowed a lot yesterday, and today it is melting; water flowing into the barrel and off every surface.  The birds are a riotous cacaphony always cheering me up.  I still want to eat something new and strange to amuse my taste buds, but no ideas and no inspiration looking at things I have in the freezer/refrigerator.  I made green split pea soup yesterday - yuck!  I want something exotico!   

I have almost recovered from the stroke, maybe.  But most people assure me that it takes longer than 6 or 7 weeks, I shouldn't get too rambunctious here for a year or so.  Yeah, okay.  But I am looking forward to something new in living my golden years.  I am tired of the same-old, same-old.  I want new things, new experiences that will take me away from the mundane life I no longer want.  I want something new.  I almost believe that this is a reaction to not dying.  If I recover, you mean it's the same-old stuff that I had for so long?  I want new experiences, new stuff, new life. 

I have been getting a tan the past few days, lying out on my lounge.  And yesterday it got cold and began to snow.  Is that new?  Today, white stuff is clinging to the ground and to every branch and twig.  It won't last, and is a vital drink of water for everything.  The buds are popping on the trees, waiting for the snow to go.  Soon it will be in the 80 degree range again, but the air feels like snow is here.  The house is cold - of course, I forgot to bring in firewood when it was so dry out.  At least I could have covered it with a tarp.  So I made brownies to warm the house, but that won't last very long. 

I'm groggy today and wish for new experiences to liven me up. 

Spring has arrived, and into my shorts and tank top, out on my chaise lounge, got a nice burn started by laying out yesterday all afternoon.  Why I don't do this more often is that I am supposed to be raking, digging, picking up sticks, bagging garbage, hauling stuff here and there.  But now it's not to be done, because my back and neck are still healing, and I could have another stroke.  There I am, lying out on a chaise lounge, like I always thought I would, and now I'm actually doing it.  Being old can be fun! 

Today it's cooler out, though in my shorts and tank top, I am wearing a flannel shirt over all, socks and boots on, and if I walk around to do stuff now, it will only be my legs getting a tan.  That's all right.  I picked up one bag of trash, but stuff is still frozen to the ground underneath.  That's the best excuse yet to stop working so hard! 

Been incorporating my calcium pills with Vit. D back into my diet, and also CoQ10, whatever the heck that is!  It's supposed to be good for your heart; also been adding Probiotics, those little bitty things for your stomach, since my stomach needs to tackle the problem of terrible tasting Metaprolol.  At least I believe that's the one causing upset stomach.  I'm being a good girl, not drinking any alcohol, smoking those big cheroots (ha!) and getting plenty of sleep.  My chiropractic adjustments are working good for my neck and back problems, so I am just about back to normal.  Still have the deranged right-side vision problems, and the slow think/speak thing, but improving all the time. 

My children have straightened out my checkbook, bills are being paid on time, and I just ordered two new books to read by Joe Kane, author of "Running the Amazon" and "Savages," both of which promise to keep my reading interests going strong.  These books are my birthday present to myself.  My son has stopped smoking, and is still smoke-free; he sounds better than the last time I saw him, when he was plainly miserable.  If he is successful, then our whole family will have broken the hold of tobacco on us.  And that is a real family achievement. 

This morning brings another good result - back to health.  My faith in God....I don't need other religions....I have my own right in my heart, mind, soul.  It's always been there for me and is familiar to my being.  I don't need anything else.  But I have been curious about other religions and have always studied them.  Last night I had a dream that I went to some kind of clinic (in the sky) and was handed a folder that contained all my beliefs, faiths, memories, personal experiences, and I wept with joy and hugged it to my heart.  I woke up knowing that I was lucky to have a personal religious background that will guide me through death and into the afterlife.  I have peace now, and will take whatever comes my way.  What a blessing.

The weather is beautiful, though windy and still coldish.  But the ground is bare, mostly, and spring is going to happen.  I have been saddened by the global news that the South Pole is melting and we will have to live with whatever that means.  The animals suffer first, but humans will be next. 

So on I go, and will try to get better every day.  My hands are permanently chapped this winter, from doing the scrubbing and constant hand washing I normally engage in.  I still am wishing Obama good luck and continued international accord.  I don't understand why he relented about his stand on spying or something like it.....there are a few things that I still wonder about in his administration.....probably none of my business now. 

Oh!  I forgot to mention - I don't have lupus!  The hospital called yesterday with two "happy" news about test results, which I did not understand until interpreted by someone else - but all the news is good.  No lupus and no something else I can't remember - so I am almost 100%?  My short-term memory and my eyesight, which still has a blurry spot on my right side.  And the heart valve thing, that they do not comprehend yet.  But I can feel it all the time.  Also my chiropractic adjustments are healing my back and neck pains.  So on I go, getting better and better.   

Yesterday, my kids took me to the coumadin/warfarin clinic to increase my dosage tremendously.  After reviewing the foods that contain phylloquinone (Vitamin K), I was not surprised that doubling the dosage has not improved my blood thinning count.  I eat lots and lots of green things from my garden!  My dosage of medicine had been doubled, now it is quadrupled, but I now know to reduce green, green, green things from the garden in my diet.  That should be part of the answer to my trouble.

But even there, concerned with my own troubles, I sensed other big developments elsewhere.  My friend was not at home when I returned, and later that evening, he called, telling me that his father had passed away.  The dogs certainly knew it, and I was not surprised, thinking that might be the case.  He died very peacefully, just breathing slower and slower.  The whole family had been up north to see him over the past week.  We are very impressed with the "hospice" facility at this hospital.  I only wish my father could have had such a peaceful end. 

I was reading a pamphlet given out by the hospice that identified the parts of the dying process; I was surprised and shuddered that I had experienced some of these symptoms, thankfully, I did not terminate (yet).  Today, I am studying my diet and will find vegetables and foods that are lower in Vitamin K, but not eliminate it altogether.  After stabilizing my blood supply, it will be time to tackle the problem of Lupus, which has been the main cause of all my troubles (according to the doctors).  Of course, I know that doing the work under the conditions I was in, was what triggered the whole attack.  They are already talking about heart surgery, but this I won't allow, since I am old already, and my heart will last indefinitely if they control the Lupus.  They told me I had it many years ago, but never did anything about it, as it was a newly discovered condition back then.  I want to work on that problem, and not go in for heart surgery so fast. 

Well, the weather continues gray, cold and gloomy, but the house no longer needs firewood, so spring is coming!  I am haunted by the things I have learned about dying recently; I still am haunted too by the split recognition of life and non-life events all around me.  I have overcome my anger (that I never knew was a problem until I experienced it after this stroke), or at least I am learning to manage my feelings to eliminate negativity.  I have resolved to stop swearing also, and this is proving to be amazingly difficult.  Yes...stub my toe, drop a spoon, and I fall back into old familiar bad habits.  But now I'm on the mark and chastise myself and stop it from being me. 

It's been awhile, I think....

I've been remembering my life, my mother's life, and my grandmother's life.  And my father's life.  Well, that's a lot of remembering, but surprisingly, it's brought a ton of new insights.  I am completely surprised that I didn't know these things I've been remembering before now!  I have resolved quite a bit of anger by this extra remembering.  And humbling myself to acknowledge that my life actually did have meaning, therefore, as a member of my own family group.  I stayed with it; I could have run away, which was fairly common to do in my mother's family.  But I always carried that idea that running away, escaping the tyranny of our family's history, would bring me relief or freedom.  Now I see that everyone has a family history, shared with a few or many others, that they are carrying to completion.  We are all doing God's work, whether we know it or not. 

I've got the house clean, really clean now, in case I drop dead after all.  But I've caught a cold too, as the people I've come in contact with have all got colds and continually pass them around.  So I've been low energy and low spirited lately.  One thing that has gotten to me is that credit card I tried to get paid when I got out of the hospital.  I paid it two times so as not to miss the deadline, but they have said that I missed the deadline both times I paid, and not only that, they claim that neither payment could be used by them (there being something wrong with each check).  I have examined the payments, and can not find what is wrong.  I am very slow at dealing with the problems, but for the life of me.....  And it does affect my health, causing stress.

Today, I finally got to see my chiropractor, and right away, after an extremely gentle massage with an electric device, I began to have vision problems (more than I am having due to the stroke).  These were the flashing yellow, pulsating kind and lasted for several hours after the visit.  So there's another range of problems.  I'm going again tomorrow.....I feel very certain that the wrenching of the back and neck is partly to blame for all this trouble, the wrenching caused by helping John fix his brakes (stepping on the brakes with one foot all the way down, and releasing it again.  Was it 100 times?  I don't know, just that my whole left side got screwed up badly.  My former self would have blamed him, but now now.  He just needed a helping foot!

And he has many cares of his own.  His father has cancer - we just found out after his recent stay at the hospital.  He has been returned home, given counseling and morphine aplenty, and we are all praying for his safe journey across the way.  I was just informed the day before yesterday, and have sent my best wishes to him.  There is nothing the doctors can do for him anymore. 

So, the big, wet snowflakes fall on the newly bare, brown earth, trying to cover us over with whiteness again.  The silence out there is so intense you can hear the flakes fall.  I have grown a lot in the month of March, but my calendar looks like a criss-crossed jumble.  I hope April will go smoother. 

My grandson is joining the army, will be going into the service soon.  I am so proud of him and the way he has grown up.        

It's good to be home.  Yesterday was my last official doctor visit to give one last blood sample.  They say I am done, for now.  I am taking a range of pills, I've been blood-tested at an alarming rate.  But they now say I am good to go, just about.  They are still going to fiddle around with my coumadin/warfarin, but the heart "problem" has been resolved - i.e., there's nothing to do, no infection, and the hole has been there all my life.  Well, that still leaves me with a confused mental picture in the present time.  And I still have a vision loss on the right side.  They cheerfully tell me that these things will clear up.  I hope so, so I can drive again and think properly again.

My daughter and son-in-law came yesterday to pick me up for the doctor visit, and I was prepared this time, with some extra money which I got from the bank.  They wouldn't accept cash payment, so I offered to buy lunch and this they accepted.  We went to the restaurant where I used to work, Wolfe's Family Restaurant, and there we got a very nice meal, which we all enjoyed.  The weather has been gray, raining, and coldish, so that made the day memorable.  It still is like that today.  And today, I finally figured out (again) how to read voice mail messages off my phone (on the computer).  Ohhh, what a whiz I am! 

In other efforts, I was not very successful.  I got out of the hospital on Tuesday, and I was trying to make sure that a bill got paid on time.  I mailed it out on Thursday, and it was due on the following Tuesday.  I hoped it would have arrived on time, but these things are very uncertain nowadays.  I called and also went on-line to find if my payment had arrived, but there was no verification.  So I assumed it had not arrived.  I spent all day Tuesday, the day it was due, making another on-line payment (at a snail's pace, to be sure).  I finally got a payment in by 4:30 p.m. (my time).  Of course, it was later, their time, after 5:00 p.m.  Not only do I still not know if they ever received my mailed payment, they didn't bother to do anything at all, except punish me for being slow with my payment on the computer!  To the tune of $39.00!  And I still haven't been able to get verification of that payment.  Or the payment I mailed in!  I guess they are a little SLOW getting back to me.  Except for their late fee charge, that is.  We are talking about Chase here, but I suppose they are all like this.  I am holding a demand for more money to be sent to them at once!  That's the only thing that we can be certain of.  Oh, if only I knew who to call, what to say....!!!

The good news is that the "elves" are abating, and today, I have figured out (again) how to hear my phone messages on the computer.  Just keep doing things over and over again, until they are fixed and set in the new circuitry of my brain.  The old circuitry still does not work.  My mind and my eyes are somewhat better, and persistence is the answer.  I made chicken soup today and something is clawing at my consciousness, but I can't bring it into awareness.  So on I go, taking a long time to get this typed, and other things done, but eventually the tasks will be formed anew in my mind.      

I remember what it was.  The wonderful work of Barack Obama goes on, even while I am wallowing around in this valley.  He makes sense to me!  The guys who are so worried about the money being spent on the people's business - where were they when it was all going to hell under the Bush years?  When truth in accounting didn't exist?  When honored traditions were left to rot by the wayside?  Yes, Obama's speec was an ON time for me last night, and I am so grateful we have him on the job. 

The elves continue to inform/entertain/bother me, my sight hasn't improved yet either.  But one amazing thing is the medicine called Warfarin or Coumadin.  One pill and I started noticing changes; these were good changes, especially in my sinuses(?).  The next day, after another pill, it broke loose and began to heal the infection I had there.  I was amazed by this.  I just didn't expect that.  And I'm getting sharper senses too. 

I am cooking a huge pork roast with sauerkraut, laced with caraway seed.  Just typing this sentence has taken a lot of time, but I have gone for two walks today, and this morning, I scrubbed the kitchen floor (with a sponge mop).  I wish the mental confusion would end, but I suppose it will take time.  I'm worried about my Pepper - she won't leave my side, so won't go out, even for potty.  That's why I have to go outside more often - to make sure she gets to try again.  The clearest voices in the forest belong to the black-capped chickadees.  I'm being nice to John now....don't want him to suffer. 

Sudden insight:  I remembered that I never had financial independence until I was on my own - and I thought that was a sad thing to have to remember.  It was a huge change in my life.  Not that I wasn't financially able to carry on, but I didn't worry and keep track of sums of money all the time.  Now...constant arithmetic. 

The snow is going down fast, the birds are singing like mad, and the sky looks creamy.  I guess days and nights are about even, but I am up so much that I have to take a nap or two to have the time go by.  My brain is not improving very fast, but maybe there are subtle changes that I just don't notice yet.  Well, the "elves" are almost gone, I ignore the voices in my head that are actually fears I have, I have discovered that I don't have a clot (at least not now), and my vocabulary has improved quite a bit.  My children are keeping me safe and well-cared-for.  But being an independent cuss, I do stay alone most of the time.  And it seems lonely and strange.  I don't cook much, peeling an orange is bizarre, I've recopied my personal phone book to eliminate useless information.  I'm different now, and I don't quite know what to do with my life.  Everything has changed for me.  I have a black chicken and a black dog, and care for a sled dog who stays around here.  John has gone somewhere most of the time, and I want him to stay gone.  He looks strange to me now.  My kids are working to bring me closer to where they live.  Arrangements must be made.  I think I am disloyal to feel estranged from John, but that is how it is.  I didn't plan it this way.  If I have any criticism about the professional medical care I've received, it's an amazement that I need to give so much blood all the time.  What do they need all that blood for every day?  And caregivers change so often I have lost track of the original ones - they are on my wristband, that's still there.....Ah well....

I want to come all the way back, and I want to live differently.  Maybe that is what I need to do now.  But I need to be able to see well enough not to walk into walls and also to drive my truck.  I'm very unsteady on my feet.  So I'm still a patient.  I see my shows on TV and know I would normally be commenting about the political situation, as if it would matter to anyone reading this blog. 

Well, everyday shows me a little improvement and that is what I will settle for, but I want to be able to participate in life fully again.  Spring has sprung, my hopes are still high.

Thanks Susan, for your concern, but do not worry about me.  I show improvement daily, and that is amazing.  This has been a learning experience, for sure.  Apparently, and this will have to be confirmed tomorrow, there's a blood clot been forming in my heart because of sleeping on my side, which is the most comfortable for me.  That blood clot broke a part off, due to heavy work and unusual work positions (the steps far back from the big container at the landfill, etc.) and that is what caused the stroke.  The stroke - it's so hard to remember that word, for me.  And several days of shopping in a row.  And also the effort to help John by stepping on the brakes (left foot) so many times when it was hard to do.  That's what caused it to happen.  At least I have commitments to get that work taken care of from now on.  No more taking his empty beer bottles to the recycling center.  He will do it from now on. 

My brain is getting better every day too.  No more "elves" operating every little piece of equipment, behind every animal, tree and rock!  The world is becoming usual now.  And this morning, I, myself, and me understood plumbing!  Yeah!  I fixed the mysterious bathroom plumbing and everything is now working properly.  The heart problem is still a worry, but I now recognize it for what it is, after all.  I just couldn't believe that there could be something wrong with me, after all.  But a blood clot in my heart is what it is.  And that appointment is tomorrow, the test to look at it in full, and make a determination what to do.  I guess I will have to learn not to sleep on my side, anymore, for one thing.  And delegate some work to the one who drinks beer here.  He has already vowed to take care of the recycling of his beer bottles.  Ah, happiness....

The weather is bright and sunny, warm weather is here, the snow is melting fast.  It is good to go for a short walk, let the sun shine on my fact.

I can't live like this any longer.  I have been in dread of otherworldly events, imagining the most frightful scenes played at high speed.  Most of the scenes involve being in the hospital, with sheets, screens, room dividers, hospital personnel wielding strange implements, making threatening pronouncements, then disappearing behind machinery that beeps, bleats, blasts; counting the seconds you have left to live.  My mother, in a very bad mood, representing authority, cruises around between curtains, waiting.  At times I cry out like a baby, wanting all of them to disappear, but they don't.  I am left wondering what to do.  The scene changes....

Now it's frogs in a pond, all croaking at different tempos, locations, pitches.  I can't control them.  I can only see their throats, quivering for the next croak.  True, there were batteries of tests like that, huge machines that I went inside of, and listened to them sonorously hammering out their demanding challenges.  I suppose they end up having an effect on me.  The upshot is that I have a clot of blood in my heart, part of which broke away from my strenuous activity and went to my brain, there to interfere with my thinking, speech, balance, coordination, but most importantly, my eyesight, now I can't even drive my vehicle. 

Is this what I've been trying to tell you for several days now?  I know I am not making sense of things, but the challenge is the strange otherworldly way it's all affecting me.  I keep expecting things to return to normal, but it has not yet.  I am living in a semi-plastic reality.  Even the political situation, which I was deeply involved in, does not merit a comment from me.  I still watch it, hear it, but I am not a participant anymore.  Listening to frogs has become more important, or at least more relevant.  

I have learned to write on this blog, manage my emails (with help from John), cook and do the dishes, keep surfaces clean.  I have managed to manage the phone!  I am haunted by folks who have died, can't wait to get well again so I don't have to see them again.  The ones I want to see I don't see, or I am saddened anew that they have departed.  If spring would come, something would change, wouldn't it?  There has been snow on the ground for 6 months now.  The feeling that I am forgetting something important nags at me.  Duh!  Soon, there will be one more test of my big blob lodged in my heart.  Then they will decide what to do with me.  I wish this was over.  So on I go, trying to get along as best I can. 

So, I'm posting, yes, that's what it means.  Oh God, how do people cope who have a stroke?  I think that is what I had.  I feel pretty positive, so far it's not getting worse.  I think I have a lot to say, but no....not so much after all.   Jut getting my appointments straight, writing them down, feeding the dogs and chicken (who keeps getting forgotten, because she's out there, not in here, where she can pester me.)  The dogs let me know how they are doing right away.  The phone is completely befuddled, but at least I can talk if necessary.  The computer was also besmirched, but I've been getting it better.  Feeding myself is a sometime thing.  I just ate, so there I am.  My eyesight is bad on the right side, and there's an intermediate zone where looking there produces dizziness, sickening dizziness.  Other things have improved, but I don't remember what.  I am surprised at how cheerful I am, how upbeat and positive, I have every hope that the future will bring improvements.  There were some tears and fears, and even anger, but that is over, I hope. 

Must feed the chicken now and let dogs go out.

I've been in the hospital, and not just visiting.  I was in there Monday and Tuesday, and the doctor just called..... I'm not done yet, I guess.  They want to stick something down my esophagus to look at my heart some more.  But I went in for vision problems and speech difficulties.  I knew there was something blocking part of my sight and I couldn't think or speak properly. 

So it's been quite a day, now, trying to get used to where all the keys are on the type board, etc.  I've gotten a little better so far.  Fed the dogs and chicken, and they are very happy I'm back.  Winter has returned in full force for now.  The power was out last night and the fire was keeping us warm enough.  The wind howled fiercely.  Well, I think I may close for now, and will try to keep posting in the future. 

And there, at the end of Chapter 12 of the book I am reading, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche, was an answer to my heartache. 

"We all long for heaven where God is, but we have it in our power to be in Heaven with Him at this very moment.  But being happy with Him now means:  Loving as He loves, Helping as He helps, Giving as He gives, Serving as He serves, Rescuing as He rescues, Being with Him twenty-four hours, Touching Him in His distressing disguise."

Meanwhile, everything else goes on full bore, and I thought I saw that some form of evolution is under way right now in what happens in the world.  If you look back at any other age, it seems that there was always the same suffering of people caused mostly by other people.  The same principle of force, or Might Makes Right has always applied.  In today's world, though, we have the giant corporations and all their well-paid lobbyists, and they seem to be unstoppable. 

It looks like Republicans really do not want to pay their upcoming taxes, when called upon to do so.  I believe that this is why we hear such challenges, crying and whining, and the general revolt in their language lately.  They had all the money flowing their way only, especially in the past 8 years, and now the people have spoken, by electing President Barack Obama.  The government of, by and for the people is back, and the filthy rich don't like it at all.  They have been working hard to destroy this government, take all the money for themselves, and go international.  I now believe that this country and its government is in the most imminent danger of being destroyed by the very rich to advance their own greedy cause.  I have never felt such a need to blog or publicly express my political feelings in the past.  It's only the danger of losing our country that impels me to participate, at least to this extent. 

Still agonizing over my recent knowledge of what's happening in the Amazon basin, I now am asking myself, "What's the difference between the "ethnic cleansing/genocide" going on in Darfur right now, and the "settling" of the Amazon basin?  Is the difference the name of the oil companies involved?  Is the Darfur outrage in the name of a Chinese oil company, while the Amazon outrage is in the name of an American oil company?  Is that why we never hear about what is happening in this hemisphere right now? 

I know I have to come to terms with what all of this means.  Last eve I was contemplating what the Dalai Llama would say, and I know he is personally familiar with these kinds of outrages in his own native country.  I know his answer, and the answer of all of the world's most important teachers is to have compassion, understanding and love for the ones committing the atrocities.  And therein lies my dilemna, because the anger this knowledge produces has always burned in me, and I know that I am not an enlightened being.  I always picture retaliation, revenge, justice, acts of violence that must stop the perpetrators of the destruction of earth and its peoples.  I know I must get on with life and not dwell too long in this empathy, but my mind and heart says "If only there was something I could do..."  Something proper that would work, and all I can think of is that these acts must be exposed for what they are. 

My daughter made me go into town yesterday and get groceries.  There was a terrific sale on food at Trig's and I came away with a goodly amount of sale-priced food, but I am not as happy as I otherwise would be about it.  It's a foggy day today, misting rain, and so mild that no fire is needed to keep the house warm, just the underfloor heating system and my oil-filled space heater for my bedroom.  I took yet another box of goodies to Good Will yesterday; this time, some tins both round and tall, and a weird collection of kitchen utensils that were all extras or never used.  This cleaning every shelf, nook and cranny to see what I can give away is getting to be fun for me.  I believe it is good therapy too.

So this is March 3, 2009, and I am so into winter hibernation, that even though I made myself go to town today, it wasn't for long, and I had trouble caring at all about the mundane chores of shopping, mailing out bills, etc.  Took that nice bag of stuff over to Good Will and dropped it off. 

I seem to be focused on an otherworldly overview of life in general.  It was just this winter that I began to read books about the Amazon, and now I've been watching the television show "Mark and Ollie with the Machigenga," a tribe living in Peru.  It did hit me hard that the same exploitation, genocide and slavery of the native peoples is taking place right now, at this very moment in our time of living here on this planet.  And I didn't know a thing about it until this winter.  I didn't even know that rubber trees grew in South America, originally.  I always thought they grew in Southeast Asia, according to the song "oops, there goes another rubber tree plant."    And then an email today from one of the environmental groups I belong to tells of the euthanasia of perhaps the last free jaguar in the United States, due to kidney failure.  A sad time for the world. 

And what can we do?  I have visions of a nice big helicopter lift of a big bag of raw crude petroleum being dumped in and around the President of Arco's swimming pool, contaminating his house and yard and poisoning his children, ruining life for him.  But that is not only impossible, it wouldn't be helpful.  Was I living in Paradise, not knowing what big business is doing to people and land in other places?  Loving my automobile?  I was permanently p.o'd at big oil when they assassinated the duly elected President of Iran back in the 1950's, and all the oilmen could say is "We do it all for you, the American people." 

But I also recall going across the lake in my round-bottomed rowboat to Frenchie's resort, a native American, to see about getting a job there as a baby-sitter for vacationing tourists who rented out his cabins on the lake.  He had a sheet of glass on the countertop with all the business cards of everyone who had ever come and stayed there.  There were probably more than 50 business cards under the glass.  I asked him why he kept them there, and he said it was a reminder that every single one of them is a polluter of the environment.  I was amazed, and pointing to one after another, he told me what they did, at the very minimum, to pollute.  I came away dispirited by the knowlege that our entire way of life must be wrong. 

Apparently, I'd come to accept that and go on with life; I realize that we are living in the age of the oil dinosaur, a huge tyrranosaurus rex, and on an individual level, I still need a vehicle to get around in.  I wonder what life is like on other planets...  Is there no way to avoid being like this, living with guilt and shame for what we have all done and continue to do every day?  

Last day of February, and it always does go by quickly.  It was -22 degrees below zero last night, and the fire was kept burning brightly, you betcha.  Today, bright sunshine, temperatures are warming up fast, and when I go for my walk with Pepper, it will be at least 20 degrees above zero. 

After watching television last night, mostly the MSNBC news shows, I've decided to limit my viewing of political commentary shows, and just settle down a bit, try to get off politics.  This is why I'm so revved up about things every day; I'm watching too much of them, and even their replays.  I do love them, but only one show each - that's two hours, and that should be enough.  I need to change the focus of my life. 

So, I'm listing the things I've collected in my 2 boxes for this week's donation to Good Will.  There's a 500-piece puzzle; Power Foods by Gary Null; Healing Foods by Michael Murray; Yoga, Youth and Reincarnation by Jesse Stearn; Roverandom by J.R.R. Tolkien; A Hobbit Journal notebook; and others I can't remember the names of.  There's a 2-quart pitcher with lid, and a 1-gallon pitcher with lid, both very new.  And some new-fangled baking utensils for cakes and muffins, made of a heat-resistant plastic.  They are very pretty, but need to be placed on a flat sheet to keep them from tipping.  Maybe I can find a cookie sheet for them too.  That's one box. 

Today, I'm going through cupboards and soon will have cups, glasses, bowls, and kitchen utensils.  I believe I will give up my bread machine to them, as I always choose to mix and knead my bread in the old-fashioned way.  Then on to shoes, boots, and winter jackets.  There will be two boxes, plus all the coats and boots.  Soon, I will also have the back end of my truck filled with recyclables, so all the donations will have to fit in the front.  This will be a huge load going out of here. 

I need to give up my latest winter love, which has been adding cocoa mix to my coffee, along with a few mini marshmallows.  In the month I've been doing this, I've gained 2 lbs.  So starting tomorrow, no more cocoa-coffee.  All this began when I got a coupon for a free bottle of Nestle's Coffee Creamer, which comes in flavors, and when that was gone, I went right on to the cocoa mix.  So, goodbye sweet treat.  I can't afford to gain more weight. 

And soon, I will have a space cleared out in my bedroom, where I can get exercise on my big ball, that is stuck way back in the closet.  I'll just roll around on that ball and perhaps tighten up a bit.  Well, that's the plan. 

A storm moved into the area yesterday afternoon, finally; after being touted as a severe blizzard, it became perhaps 6" of driving, blinding snow in late afternoon.  It was beautiful to watch from the safety of home, but the roads were terrible and there were many accidents.  The wind continued to howl all night, but this morning, there was bright sunshine, a dead battery, and snowblowing to do.  The birds are feeding happily on the many kinds of food set out for them.  Tonight, cold temps, well below zero, are predicted.  C'mon, March!  There isn't much to report indoors, just continuing to cope with evening headaches that are very intense. 

Going for afternoon walks with the dogs.  Taking care of some sort of skin infection on the sled dog, Arnie, who is responding well to a bathing of warm water laced with tea tree oil and boric acid powder dissolved in.  Then a topical applicant of Quadricept ointment.  It seems to relieve the problem completely, and he looks at me very appreciatively.  I hope this works.  I'm also giving him one pill of black walnut hull in the evening to settle any parasites he may have internally.  I believe that when he farts badly, that it means there is internal parasites, and that has mostly gone away after just one pill.  One more pill tonight should eliminate any remaining bugs.  I don't want to give him more, because it can cause diarhhea, which would be even worse, I think.  For me, at least. 

Pepper seems to be all right, as usual, but sometimes she exhibits a little stiffness or lameness.  That could be from just lying around all winter, not getting enough exercise.  She bugs me every day to go for a walk, which is good for me, too.  She may be a little overweight, too.  I keep saying, she's not fat, she's just fluffy.  Arnie now goes for a walk with us.  He certainly loves his doghouse that I made for him.  We keep adding new straw for his enjoyment, and he luxuriates in it.  And my chicken is just a little butterball, who lets me know what she wants.  If her water is empty or frozen, she goes over to it, and pecks at it.  So I get her some water and pour it in, then watch as she drinks it, beak by beakful. 

Hoo boy! if it wasn't for my critters, what would I do?  The occasional visit with/from my kids, watching tv, reading, cleaning here and there, working a puzzle, cooking, bird watching, going for a walk....I am constantly amazed by how simple and serene my life really is.  If this is old age, then I guess it was worth the struggle to get here.  And believe it or not, I am still jerking into awareness of how it used to be, wondering what I should be doing right now, imperatively.  Can't think of anything.  The one thing I wish is that I was closer to my daughter, so I could be of more help to her with her multiple sclerosis problems.  She is between neurologists right now, as the old one left, and a new one is coming. 

Our forefathers brought forth upon this continent a government of, by and for the people...they struggled and came up with a plan for the future of this nation that made us, eventually, the best and most prosperous of all.  With the philosophy of "greed is good," this country has been going to the dogs, literally.  Beginning with the savings and loan scandal, then the Enron affair, the looting of our treasury with a forklift tractor, the ruining of the 401K savings, the elimination of other retirement funds, the Bernie Madeoff debacle, and now the bank scandal, it seems that certain segments of our society profit by simply ripping off large amounts of money whenever they feel like it.  Others claim that deregulation and lack of oversight is what has allowed these things to happen. 

Barack's speech last night hit every nail right on the head.  And it does seem like regulations and oversight will come back, as it should, to safeguard the money involved.  The Republicans still have not come up with any kind of a plan to save us from disaster.  I guess they just have enough money now, that they don't have to care about the rest of us.  All they can talk about is more tax cuts for the wealthy, claiming that this will provide jobs, etc. for everyone.  When?  It hasn't happened in the past 8 years.  They are lying and crying.  Jindal, et al. keep insisting that self-regulation is the answer for business.  So all I can say is, just eat your peanut butter sandwich and shut up.

I can feel it in my body.  Spring is getting closer and closer.  This winter weather is almost balmy, but the temps do go down to zero yet, or in the onesies.  The sun is warm now, and rings are beginning to form around the bases of tree trunks, where the snow is melting down from the darkness of the trunks.  Although putting on boots is still a must for going outside, I often tell myself I don't need a coat on for this.  And just go out there to feed the chicken, empty the compost bucket, take out the recyclables, etc. 

New beef suet has been hung high in the oak tree for the big pileated woodpeckers, and smaller suet cakes for the little ones.  Big flocks of tiny birds are all over the ground, picking up the bull thistle seed we have thrown on top of the snow.  Red polls, titmice, purple finches, goldfinches, and sometimes other kinds.  It's hard to identify them because there are so many, and they keep hopping around, and they are so small.  All the normal winter birds are here too, black-capped chickadees and the woodpeckers.  But I haven't seen any grosbeaks yet.  Bluejays horn in for the feed too, as do gray squirrels and red squirrels.

And I feel rested and well.  Maybe I needed a long winter sleep for optimum health and muscular refreshment.  It's good to feel good.  I haven't listed all the seeds I have on hand on this blog yet, and that's because I'm still thinking seriously about not ordering anything from the seed catalogs this year.  If I start, it will turn into a bigger order than I want or need.  I, of course, am making the usual pledge to do things differently this year in gardening.  I must stop the weeds for once and for all, from taking over.  I know it's the heat and the bugs that stop my weeding efforts mostly, but it is also the rampant, I say rampant, nature of the weeds, whose growth rate becomes phenomenal in June and July.  I am seriously thinking of planting things in large bags of purchased, deweeded dirt with holes in the bottom, laying these bags side by side in rows, and MOWING the grass and weeds between them.  Would that work?  I also plan to build a garden tractor cage for my chicken, let her work the soil between rows, eating weed seeds, etc. between rows, fertilizing, and moving the cage daily.  I'm sure she would be a happy little farmer for me.  She's had a very nice winter in the greenhouse and is round as a butterball. 

I was thinking that I should stop commenting on my political opinions, as politics is a bothersome subject to me, but after reading this morning what I wrote yesterday, it seems like I make a lot of sense to myself.  So what?  But today is sunny and bright, and one more week of February brings March into the picture.  I am more determined than ever to continue to give things away to Good Will or donate to thrift stores.  One of these days I'm going to start loading up books and will soon have another load of glassware.  I have been bringing 2 boxes a week on average. 

I remember spending time with my great grandmother when I was very young.  Her house was as spare of belongings as I someday hope to be.  She scrubbed the floor every single morning.  She took ashes from a covered pail, put a scoop into a bucket, added water and mixed it together.  She used a mop to scrub every bit of wooden floor surface throughout the house.  I, watching her in amazement, could hardly wait to examine the floor after she was done.  I thought it ought to be dirty, what with the ashes and all, but there remained a clean, hard, somewhat tacky surface that had a slight sheen.  I doubt any bugs or germs could have survived that scrubbing, and I was so pleased, I danced around for her on it.  Now I also see how environmentally friendly it was, too.  She was pure Norwegian.

But the rest of this day is waiting for me to see what I can do...

If I had it my way, I would let those big banks fail that made all those bad loans.  I'm sure that's not all they did....the money had to go somewhere for them to be insolvent now.  I would have given, and would now give, any bailout money to smaller, honest, community banks that exist all over this country and let them give out loans to those who need help.  And there would be regulations and oversight, as there should have been all along. 

Not only that, I would treat the bankers and Wall Street manipulators the same way as drug users were treated in this country - break down their doors in the middle of this night, seize all their assets, haul them off to jail, and make them prove their innocence before releasing any assets they might have left after their court costs. 

I notice that China grabbed the greedy businessmen who put melamine into the children's milk, and I heard on tv last night that they will be EXECUTED for their crimes.  At least one country sees that greed is a sin against humanity.  Unlike this country, whose afficianados of Reagan/Bush policies have been extolling greed as a virtue.  Can you believe they call themselves Christian? 

Yes, grab them and put them in jail, and let the full extent of their crimes be known.  Let us have justice.  They have ruined the whole world economy, and the money is hidden away.  They need a little prompting to come clean.  Let them pay with higher taxes.

And when does dissent become truly sedition or treason or calling for the overthrow of our duly elected government.  There is some nut named Keys (sp?) whose rhetoric is designed to bring out the worst in the so-called "right."  I think he should be arrested.  And the poor, poor Republicans who are crying and calling for a divorce from the rest of us!  What a joke.  We Democrats, who surely had enough fuel to call for Bush to be stopped for his crimes against humanity, we didn't carry on like this, and we suffered for a very long time. 

I always have said that some of my best friends are Republicans, and I really mean it.  It seems that many of them have very good ideas that are good for this country, and we all ought to listen to each other.  And come to agreements.  But these extremists who are calling for somebody to "stop him" are treading on dangerous ground.  Their lies continue at an alarming pace, and although they can be proven to be pathetic and dishonest, it isn't right for them to carry on like this.  I wish the Republican Party would lean on their radical brothers and call for mutual cooperation in this terrible time of economic struggle.  Don't allow this divisive behavior to go on. 

I watched the Michael Moore movie last night about our health care system compared to the health care systems of Canada, Britain, France, and then Cuba.  By the time we got to Cuba, I had tears in my eyes for the September 11, 2001 rescue workers who have been completely abandoned by the Bush administration and who still suffer all manner of ailments from that dreadful experience. 

One thing:  Michael Moore did not mention anywhere exactly what kind of taxes the people pay to obtain their health care systems.  I do believe it's a philosophy that the rich do pay more taxes than what they like to pay in this country.  But just think of the hoops ordinary people who are sick have to jump through and how much we have to pay to get taken care of.  Those horror stories were awful.  I kept thinking of moving to Canada in order to escape this inhumane system we have here in the United States. 

I've sat down with my box of seeds, enumerating them into categories such as root crops, corn, squashes, greens, herbs, brassicas, tomatoes, eggplants and peppers.  Why isn't there a category for corn, tomatoes, eggplants and peppers?  Produce that grows in the air?  One of life's mysteries.  Well, I have enough of everything to make a very good garden this year, using last year's seeds and beyond, so this is the year I probably don't need to order anything.  Also, I am not going to order plants through the mail again.  The blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, rhubarb and asparagus roots do better if bought downtown and gotten right into the garden same day, instead of languishing in warehouses, delivery trucks and mail boxes along the way. 

I've made a little, very little, progress with Google Earth.  Now I've downloaded their latest version, continued to read their help manual, and now can do a little "layering," showing borders.  One thing I don't understand is the concept behind "desktop resolution," which needs to be set at 1024 x 768 minimum, for maximum operation.  This just makes everything smaller.  I had it all the way over to the lowest setting, which makes all things much larger and easier to see, and now I have everything, including this blog, smaller; I don't know why this is better. 

The temps are a little lower, and that means that when walking with Pepper and now Arnie, I don't slide out of my tracks as I walk.  Much better traction now that it's colder.  My chicken, Susie Q., is happy and large.  Her shape (something like a football, with legs and head sticking out) is quite aerodynamic and efficient.  I wish I could pet her and hold her, but she won't allow it.  I have a wand, made from a Jerusalem artichoke stalk, that I reach in with and stroke her back gently while talking to her nicely, but she just heads for the house when I do that.  Silly girl.

My son took me out to fish fry last night for my valentine.  His new wife couldn't come because she has been pretty sick for a couple of days.  It was nice to get out of the house for a change.  Winter is beginning to wear on me, making me lose track of time, missing the sunshine.  Today, I couldn't even walk properly because there is about 1 inch of lake effect snow over the glare ice and ruts on the road and driveway.  This kept making me slip out sideways, nearly falling 3 times.  The last time, I saw stars from jerking so hard to the right.  I was cussing plenty, but changed to the usual duck walk to get back home. 

I only have to build one fire each day, in the afternoon, and the heat lasts until the next morning.  It's getting near time to build a fire now; I am getting a little chilly.  Made two kinds of soup yesterday - chicken alphabet vegetable for me, and split pea soup for John. 

I keep telling myself not to get involved in political discourse on my blog, but it may be an important thing to do - get my opinions out there along with everybody else.  But right now, I can't think of anything to say, except I hope I'm not being too hard on the Repubs???  I was wondering if I am too nasty towards them.  I have been trying hard to understand them in the past few days, because their illogic is so apparent to me, that I can't even imagine how they think or feel.  I heard that a show is coming on Monday night, about that very subject, and I intend to watch, even if it makes me puke.  Can they imagine the pain and suffering that Democrats have gone through for 9 years of their administration?  I count 9 years, because the last year of Clinton's was extremely painful also, because of Republican nerdiness.  And the people are continuing to suffer and will suffer more as we try to heal the wounds left by the Bush administration. 

That's why I can't understand them.  What is it they miss now about having their constitutional rights to privacy taken away?  Why do they hate fair representation in court?  Do they need to see innocent people kidnapped into a foreign country to be tortured?  Why do they wallow at the feet of inhuman corporate entities, who promise to destroy the earth for them?   Do they enjoy knowing that the government is listening in on their every conversation?  Do they need to have a president who often can't even speak in sentences?   Do they love deficit spending into the trillions while cutting taxes on the very rich?  Do they enjoy paying for the lifestyles of the wealthy?  Do they believe every lie and talking point that comes out of the mouths of their gurus on the right?  What, oh what, is it that makes them Republican voters who sorely miss Bush now? 

The Republican ploys, especially since the efforts of Barack Obama to help our nation, are aggravating me to get up in the middle of the night to blog about my stronger and stronger feelings....

I got an email yesterday, that I, perhaps foolishly, deleted immediately from my Republican friend, showing a video clip of their hero, George W. Bush, warning us, back in 2001, that this economic crisis would occur IF SOMETHING WASN'T DONE ABOUT IT.  So...why...didn't...GWB...do something...about...it?  Why did he, instead, continue our headlong plunge with his rubber-stamping Congress into this economic recession?  Yay for deregulation!  Get rid of those food inspectors!  The money we will save for our oil war...etc. 

I will say it again - when the Supreme Court ruled that corporations are entitled to all the rights of individuals - there's where our system gave away this country.  A decision of the Supreme Court that I don't agree with?  There it is, right there. 

And now that we have a President who IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, the Repugnicans are whining and puking about it.  What's the matter, Boehner, McConnell, et al.?  Silver spoon stuck in your throat?  Just look at the picture of how they see what this country should look like.  The rich and privileged, sitting at the lavish table of the Republican platform, with crumbs "trickling down" every so often to the huddled masses of the starving, the needy.  They want to destroy the Social Security system - Repubs don't need it.  They want more and more police-state control over the people.  They believe we should all end up like Saudi Arabia, India and the like, where the disparity is enormous between the rich and the poor.  Isn't it already that way here?  Closer and closer to it? 

The Republican ploys lately are focused on obstructing Obama and the American people, while spreading their pathetic lies, like the one I received that G. W. Bush "warned" about the coming eonomic recession if something wasn't done.  I've seen the map of the last election, with Republican votes in red and Democrats in blue.  What I don't understand is how the Republican people out there continue to believe their lies and still vote for them.  Don't they realize that the greed, graft and corruption of their party will eventually sink the people, in favor of the few?  And that they are, in fact, part of the people, and not the wealthy few.  Because their way of life is good only because of the goodness of the many.

Anyway, the beauty and truth of Barack Obama still shone in full in his wonderful speech last night to commemorate Lincoln's birthday, once again inspiring me and giving me hope.  In contrast to the sickening lies and obstructionist tactics of the other side. 

Two questions remain in my mind.  How did re-apportionment affect the number of votes that Republicans enjoy nowadays?  And the other question, is there "real money" involved in the numbers we are hearing nowadays?  Where is this money coming from?  Where did the money go that led us into the economic recession?  Was it real money?  Who got it?  Where is it now?  And what Ponzi scheme allowed the banks to do whatever it was that they did?  Hey, that's more than two questions.... 

Got an e-mail letter from Mr. Poersch today, giving many, many examples of what Democrats think about things, and boy, are they mad!  At Republicans, for being the obstructionist party now, when they didn't mind spending all those years on their own agendas.  Between Reagan and the two Bushes, we have racked up 11 Trillion in debt.  And they are whining and complaining about the economic stimulus plan?  It's that they really, really do not care about this country and its people, as long as they get their tax cuts. 

On a more pleasant note, last night, I made Mexican food, and the hot sauce (it must have been the hot sauce!) practically cured my everpresent cold itself.  Unless it was just time for it to leave....  But the meal we prepared last night was the best Mexican dish we have ever collaborated on.  I've just got to blog about it, even if it is not the cure for the common cold.

                                Mexican Tortilla Dish

1-1/2 cups black beans, cover with water and heat until seething.  Drain and rinse.  Place beans in crockpot and add water to cover.  Cook until soft, adding water if necessary to keep them covered.  Set aside.  (I cook them separately, freeze or use later.)  Drain off the dark water and save it aside.  Refry the beans in olive oil over high heat, adding cumin to taste and a mixture of white sugar and red wine vinegar (a few tblspns. of each) mixed together in a small bowl.  When the beans seem about to burn, add some of the reserved bean water, a little at a time.  Salt to taste, not too much will be needed.  Keep stirring and mashing the beans down with a spatula for about 10 minutes.  Set aide. 

Brown 1 lb. of hamburger in 1 tblspn. of olive oil, add 1 pkg. of taco seasoning mix and 3/4 cup of water.  Simmer for 15 minutes, stirring a couple of times.  Turn off heat, set aside.  Meanwhile, cut lettuce in shreds, chop fresh tomatoes, dice up some sweet onions, open a carton of sour cream, shred cheddar cheese, and bring out the salsas!  I tried the raspberry salsa I got for Christmas, and it was so delightful, I ate almost half the jar.  But back to cooking.  We like to take the store-bought large flour soft tortillas and cut them into thick strips or wedges, and brown them in a little olive oil in a pan over high heat for a minute or two, turning once, then drain on paper towels. 

On a plate, put a big dab of refried beans in the middle and spread it around, top with a big spoonful of taco/hamburger mix, top with shredded lettuce, chopped tomatoes, onions, shredded cheese, salsas, and a big blob of sour cream on top.  Sliced black olives for garnish.  And stick the tortilla strips in here and there around the sides.  I had 2 platefuls and loved every bite. 

Ah, winter, the quietude thereof...Arnie came home carrying a dead black squirrel in his mouth that looked freshly killed, and he buried it with great diligence in the snow near the wood-splitting area.  I think that out of every 10 gray squirrels born, that about 1 or 2 are the variation, black.  Last night, when the dogs went out to play in the bright moonlight, Arnie laid down and ate his chilled squirrel with the air of a lord at his dining, while Pepper laid near the door, crying softly because she didn't have any.  So I told her to come in and I would give her a special treat, and she did.  Then Arnie knocked on the door, and coming in, he talked extensively about how he needed a special treat, too. 

It is raining gently today, but the roads have been freshly sanded and are in good traveling condition because of it.  I went to town and returned my stack of library books.  I didn't get new ones, because I need to finish about 4 of my own that I've started.  One is "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" that I read a page or two at a time, in order to absorb the teachings of it.  And on my computer, I am struggling to learn all about Google Earth.  If I can manage to learn just one thing a day, that is about all my poor old brain can take.  Today, I learned to "fly" to my home town, and also how to change my desktop resolution. 

There was a show on last night about the sun and how it can, and does, affect the earth.  It kind of scared me that a sunburst, which could happen at any time, could knock out all the electricity on earth.  Major disaster, and has me thinking as I use my many, many appliances that I love, have come to rely on, and just wouldn't enjoy life without, about the even more far-reaching consequences of such an occurrence.  I remember reading a long time ago, about a Sioux medicine man's predicting that all the electricity would fail some day.  I hope that some people somewhere are making progress on the "grid."  And would be able to prevent such a major blow to our way of life.  On the other hand, the way things are going for the polar bear and other creatures endangered by global warming, has me thinking more and more about the poem I wrote many years ago...

My name is written on a bird, That flies across the sky.  The day that bird falls to the ground,  Will be the day I die. 

We are all in this together, linked by our mutual humanity, and linked to all the animals, lands, and plant life that nurtures us all.  I can only hope that people begin to see that corporate entities are not a natural part of the ecosystem, and will reverse the current trend of exploitation for capital gains at the cost of our living earth. 

It will be almost 40 degrees today, and everything is relaxing under the spell of warmth and bright sunshine.  I've been walking in the woods on a frozen trail, and it was so difficult to walk there, that I am only going to go on the road from now on.  My chicken's light bulb burned out, so I'll be replacing that, even though it's warm today.  I know the cold will return.  Usually, sometime in March, we have the annual Spring Thaw sunbathing party, sticking a lawn chair into a snowbank, putting on shorts and t-shirt, and drinking a beer to celebrate the apparent return of spring. 

I went to town yesterday, shopping for groceries at 3 different stores.  The cupboard was bare, and I even threw out, from the freezer, some stinky fish and other meat that had been passed on from other people.  They clean out their freezers, and pass the questionable stuff on to you, telling you it would be good for your dogs, etc.  No way would it be good for my dogs.  I don't want them to get sick, either.  I also took another bag of t-shirts and long-sleeved t-shirts to Good Will.  As you wash them, over time, they get wider and shorter.  If someone doesn't want them, they are turned into shop rags. 

There's been something happening to the grocery store shelves in the past two months or so.  My sister, who lives across the country from me, noticed it too.  There are empty spaces on the shelves where products used to be!  I thought maybe I was just coming at the wrong time of the week, but this is happening more and more.  Things get sold out, and they are not replaced right away.  This must be a sign of our troubled economy. 

Don't get me started!  What is the matter with the Republicans in Congress?  Don't they care at all about America?  They don't seem to care at all about the sufferings of the people...why should they?  They have all the money, and they want more and more tax cuts for themselves and their rich cronies in the corporations.  And probably, they have all their money offshore - they've become the global economic masters of the universe.  Remember that Hard Rock song I once loved - New World Order?  Yep, that's what I was dancing to then.  And even then, worrying about the real meaning of it.  My stomach churns and dances now whenever I see them on TV, obstructing the changes that we all voted for.

And Sarah Palin?  What is her problem with wolves in Alaska?  Why, in the name of everything that's holy, does she want to kill them, and with such cruelty?  Why?  Why?  Why?  Of course, there's the beluga whales, and the polar bears, too, that are in the way of her exploitative plans.