The snow is going down fast, the birds are singing like mad, and the sky looks creamy.  I guess days and nights are about even, but I am up so much that I have to take a nap or two to have the time go by.  My brain is not improving very fast, but maybe there are subtle changes that I just don't notice yet.  Well, the "elves" are almost gone, I ignore the voices in my head that are actually fears I have, I have discovered that I don't have a clot (at least not now), and my vocabulary has improved quite a bit.  My children are keeping me safe and well-cared-for.  But being an independent cuss, I do stay alone most of the time.  And it seems lonely and strange.  I don't cook much, peeling an orange is bizarre, I've recopied my personal phone book to eliminate useless information.  I'm different now, and I don't quite know what to do with my life.  Everything has changed for me.  I have a black chicken and a black dog, and care for a sled dog who stays around here.  John has gone somewhere most of the time, and I want him to stay gone.  He looks strange to me now.  My kids are working to bring me closer to where they live.  Arrangements must be made.  I think I am disloyal to feel estranged from John, but that is how it is.  I didn't plan it this way.  If I have any criticism about the professional medical care I've received, it's an amazement that I need to give so much blood all the time.  What do they need all that blood for every day?  And caregivers change so often I have lost track of the original ones - they are on my wristband, that's still there.....Ah well....

I want to come all the way back, and I want to live differently.  Maybe that is what I need to do now.  But I need to be able to see well enough not to walk into walls and also to drive my truck.  I'm very unsteady on my feet.  So I'm still a patient.  I see my shows on TV and know I would normally be commenting about the political situation, as if it would matter to anyone reading this blog. 

Well, everyday shows me a little improvement and that is what I will settle for, but I want to be able to participate in life fully again.  Spring has sprung, my hopes are still high.