I got my pumpkin carved and it is the best, cutest, friendliest one I've ever made, I think.  I am so reminded of Tom Hanks finding companionship from the face he carved on the coconut in that movie about him being shipwrecked.  Okay, I have this little pal, shining forth from the top of my tv set, looking out the window.

I got a lot of work done today, but not as much as I hoped to do.  I had been aching terribly from yesterday's efforts, working on the woodpile, but today, I worked on the woodpile and seemed not to hurt myself.  I still took a warm bath in epsom salts to ward off any problems.  I also got the north wall of the chicken's lean-to closed in with a tarp I screwed into place.  It won't get blown off or pulled off by a raccoon.  She'll be a bit cozier, but I see now that I will have to have a front piece of sheltering plastic sheeting up, too.  Tomorrow. 

It snowed overnight, and I built a nice fire, using the last of the wood that my daughter brought for me.  John has been bringing and splitting a load every day in his truck, and I've been stacking it, protecting all with the huge tarp I brought up from the garage.

And bread.  I told John I would bake bread today again, and decided to make a different kind.  But no matter what kind I decide to make, he wants to have the wheat bran, semolina, and especially, the flax meal in it.  I decided to alter the usual English Muffin bread recipe and incorporate those ingredients into it, and the loaves are rising now, soon to be baked.  This is the same recipe that I ruined a couple of weeks ago, when I didn't wear my eyeglasses, and forgot to put in the required amount of yeast and added way too much liquids.  But these loaves look good.  I may blog the recipe tomorrow.   

Don't forget to set the clocks back one hour tonight.  I won't like putting the chicken to bed by 4:30 tomorrow afternoon, but it will happen that way from now on, for awhile.   

I'm back inside after piling and sorting the firewood that John has brought home from his many travels.  He gets the pine that nobody else seems to want, but we find it quite enjoyable.  We can always find some oak to burn with the pine and eat up the pitch that might form on the chimney walls, inside.  But checking with a mirror held in the bottom of the chimney shows that there is not much buildup of tar or whatever the heck it is....we started to have a chimney fire earlier when we first began having a fire to warm us, but John quickly put it out, and the chimney was cleaned of any leaves or soot that was built up.  Good thing I brought up that huge tarp to cover the pile, as it rained all last night pretty hard, and everything would have been soaked. 

I'm making a pot roast now; it's almost finished, except for the pasta to be served with it.  I'm making penne, both white and whole wheat, because I've had a lot of potatoes lately, and the pasta will be good, too.  I trimmed most of the fat from the beef roast, and cut it into 3 big hunks.  Put it into a soup pot, added one can of cream of mushroom soup, 1/2 can of water, several large mushrooms cut into slices, a stalk of celery, cut up, a cut-up carrot, and 1/2 cut up onion; and Lawry's seasoned salt, with lemon pepper and paprika.  It is almost done now, and smells delicious.  

I am still learning to cope with my debilitation - the stroke, plus old age.  I have learned that my temper has become such a problem that I need to be constantly aware of it.  I talk to myself from my spiritual center, saying "no, no, now, not that again" whenever I feel the mechanism flare up that makes me angry.  This helps me put the temper in place - I don't want God to see me angry, especially over the silly things that make my temper flare.  I recall my early years, and I know that my temper was not a problem back then, and I was much more able to remain on an even keel.  This has all been helping to keep me cheerful and humble, knowing that the human race is, after all, subject to its own limitations. 

The other thing that threatens to overwhelm me is my own physical limitations on what I'm able to do these days.  Not much compared to my former self...and yet, what was I?  A mere woman, who learned to live within my boundaries.  And I can learn a new way, again, for the present time.  Not gonna get me down.

I've been getting enough sleep lately, that's for sure; I managed to sleep right through the program I was going to watch on the Travel Channel, hosted by Mr. Zimmern, who has a cooking/travel show.  But fortunately, my daughter taped the show, and I will get to see it after all. 

Yesterday was warm and balmy, plenty of sunshine, and I decided to get out my leaf blower and see what I could do.  I was impressed, even though I only did my rock garden, part of the driveway, front lawn, and path around the house.  It was a good job, and I didn't hurt myself doing it.  I laid down a lot of clean straw on the path I travel to the chicken's house, and Arnie, the Wonderdog, was so impressed with my work, that he laid down on the straw and wouldn't come in for his supper.  He tried to talk me into bringing his food out to him, but eventually had to give up and come in. 

The wind and rain proceeded through the night, turning into a hissing and smacking sound by this morning.  I went out in my flip flops to drag a big tarp up from the garage to cover the wood pile, and after flipping and flopping around for what seemed like a long time, I got the woodpile covered up, and noticed that my feet, wet, cold and leafy, were quite cold; as cold as if I had ventured outside in winter. 

And I couldn't help but notice that you would never know that I had used the leaf blower today; but then, there are very many leaves still on the trees, and the wind has been swirling them around, too.  Oh well.  I knew this would happen. 

I made a boiled dinner last night, using a Kielbasa sausage.  It was comfort food, with veggies, at it's best.   

Oh where is he???? I am just as worried as if he was a child - the deep-seated worry.  I let him out when he wanted to go out, and he has not been seen or heard from since.  It is wet and cold on the ground, so he is not lying down anywhere in the woods.  If he can't come home tonight, I will be banging on the door of the animal shelter tomorrow, in the hopes that someone from there just picked him up.  But he wears a collar with our phone numbers in bold lettering around his neck - so what the heck?  Why haven't we been called by now?  He never disappears from here - not since he became mature and sensible enough to stay out of trouble.  He had a bloody paw the last couple of days, and that might indicate some snare problems.  Oh stop!

A large buck with a fine rack accompanied our doe this evening, as she tiptoed past the house, down by the garage.  I had gone outside to again call the dog, but my calling only produced stamping by the buck.  My Pepper's been lying on the floor, appreciatively lapping up treats as I give them to her. 

I made a crockpot full of beans today.  I put in as many kinds of legumes as I have in the cupboard, and cleaned up all the little bags of chickpeas, lentils, and soybeans that needed to be cleaned up and used before I get another supply.  I also put in white northern beans, black beans and pinto beans.  I got 3 cups of mixed beans, 4 cups (at least) of water, and the spices that appealed to me right then - salt, lemon pepper, paprika, um..., ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, and whatever else I thought appropriate at the time.  But only small amounts - I didn't want to overdo it.  I made very lean hamburgers and added a dish of corn chips on the side.  I am full, and will eat my Jello dessert with Cool Whip later on. 

I know that many problems exist in the world today, far more serious than a missing dog, but I am praying that he will come home soon, or be found safe and sound. 

Latest news this evening - HE HAS NEVER BEEN LOST, JUST TOOK A RIDE WITH DADDY WHEN HE WAS PICKED UP ON THE ROAD!  HE'S SAFE AND SOUND!     

He invited me out to eat Friday night fish fry, and I gladly accepted, providing he could pick me up and bring me home.  Which he did, after work, and I waited at his house while he showered and got ready.  His wife was still working, but she too came home and got ready to go.  Meanwhile, her dog and his cat sat in front of me, intently staring while I ate string cheese, hoping I might give them a piece now and again.  Then off we went to the restaurant to feed ourselves. 

But many of the guests were hungry for other things, and I found myself experimenting with something called "Chicken Oscar" for once.  Mistake!  Asparagus spears were canned, crabmeat was fake.  The fish was the prize.  But my daughter's husband gave me haddock fish strips to try at home, with his Sicilian breading.  Last night's home-cooked food was much better....

There were a few flakes in the air as we entered the restaurant, but when we came out, the snow was already several inches deep.  Good thing my son was taking me home with his 4-wheel drive truck, and it was quite the wintry ride.  But everyone made it home safe and sound.  My doggies were waiting for me out in the storm, and they were wet! and happy! to see me get home.  It is good to be home and taking care of what little things I can do - I'm dizzy a lot, and feel slow-witted - winter's approach, no doubt. 

The snow has melted away mostly in the following rain, and things are quiet.  Good to know that I have another whole week of October to get something special done in the house.... 

I don't know what is wrong with me lately, but I feel bearish about people being there.  I think I am so worried that I'll catch flu that I don't want to be around anybody. 

I went to the YMCA to sit on a hard folding chair with a couple of other fatties (fatter than me) and listened for hours and watched a slide show that didn't move forever, and finally they came to the punch line (the money part) and I found out that I would be expected to give up whatever good foods I have garnered to my lifestyle and trade them in for boxes of food that, with hot water added, will taste reasonably well, and you can eat as many boxes of food a day as you crave, along with a couple of powdered milkshakes (not milk) and this will guarantee you will lose the weight (if you don't eat more than 2 boxes a day), and it will cost you three times as much as you spend now, but you will also be watched by doctors or somebody important, and be evaluated as you go along to make sure they don't become liable if you have troubles.  Oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again. 

I left as soon as the presentation was over.  My back and butt were killing me.  I would have to drive into town at least twice a week to fulfill all the obligations.  Well, I wanted to know.  I was sick in bed next day with flu-like symptoms, and took many home remedies, which worked and I felt better.  What other things - oh yes, I was at the Y and I thought, this is where I would go to get in the pool and swim for exercize.....not this kid, not in winter.  The mere idea!  Maybe I'm such a woosy that it doesn't appeal to me, but I'm not gonna do that, either.  Now to snuggle down and prepare for winter's blast, nesting beside the fire, under a cozy blanket.   I'll eat my healthy bread, one slice a day, with reduced calorie spread, and last night, I made cranberry sauce to eat with my bread.  What a nice treat!  Weight loss will have to occur in a more natural way, I think. 

I have begun the indoor work for this Fall.  I watched that show on TV about Obsessive/Compulsive/Disorder (OCD), and although I know I am not one of those people, I sometimes can relate to their anguish when throwing things away.  I still remember certain things I have taken to Good Will that can't come back.  A box of coffee cups, perhaps 15 or 20, that could not fit in my cabinet anymore.  I still remember them, but as I look at that cupboard today, I am barely able to get all that I have into it.  I don't know how I manage to capture and save all the things that I have.  Today's efforts will be to focus on BOOKS that pile up on dressers, tables, bookcase tops....last night I found that I DO have a copy of "Lord of the FLIES" (not Rings), that I had completely forgotten about. 

Senator Russ Feingold was here in the Northwoods yesterday, and I had planned to go with a friend to the meeting.  But I was very dizzy all day and decided it would be better not to go.  John went and said the meeting was good and nobody caused trouble... 

Our snow has finally disappeared, and the leaves are falling fast, coloring and covering the forest floor.  So many leaves remain yet to fall, and the whole world outside is golden, with red trim.  So on I must go, staying inside, and focusing real attention on what I must do to minimize my possessions, and that will be very hard to focus on. 

I have also decided to try to do something radically different about my weight.  I am at least 50 lbs. too heavy, and while I mostly feel comfortable with that, I know that my heart is working too hard, my bones are stressing out, and my circulation must be impaired.  I am seriously considering going to a professional organization to make weight loss happen.  The local hospital is offering a weight management program, and I'm going to call them up on Monday to register.  I might also start swimming at the YMCA.....  

So I spent yesterday in the kitchen, baking bread.  Here's my best recipe for bread that is natural and good for you.

2 pkgs. dry yeast (or 4-1/2 tblspns.), 2 tablespoons sugar, 4 cups warm water, 4 teaspoons salt, 10 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour, 1/3 cup semolina, 1/3 cup milled flax seed, 1/3 cup wheat bran.  This will make four big loaves, so use a very large mixing bowl.  Mix the yeast with the sugar, add the warm water and stir to mix well.  Measure the salt into the flour, then add the semolina, milled flax seed, and wheat bran into the flour and mix well.  Add 4 cups of flour mixture to the water and yeast, mix well, add 4 more cups of flour, mix again, and add the remaining flour and stir in. 

Turn out on floured surface and knead for 10 minutes, adding more flour as necessary to prevent hands from sticking.  Return dough to bowl, cover and let rise for 45 minutes.  Punch dough down, fold dough over two times, adding more flour to prevent sticking, cover and let rise for 30 minutes.  You will need about 2 more cups of flour altogether for all the kneading to prevent stickiness. 

Divide dough into 4 parts with a sharp knife.  Roll each piece into a ball, let rest 5 minutes.  Knead all the air out of each piece, shape into ovals, then roll each one like a jelly roll.  Place into buttered loaf pans, or butter a cookie sheet, and place 2 rolls of dough side by side for baguettes.   Let rise double.  Place a pan of hot water in bottom of oven, if you like, to glaze the crust while baking.  Brush loaves with egg/water combination, beaten together.  Sprinkle loaves with shredded cheese, sesame seeds, etc.  Bake at 400 - 450 degrees for 30 minutes.  Bake only two loaves at a time, so you have more room.  Or do nothing to the tops, and just butter the top crust lightly after baking to keep crust soft, if you like. 

Don't be shy with the additional semolina, flax meal, or wheat bran that was added to the flour.  You can change these ingredients to whatever you like or have on hand; i.e., wheat germ, quinoa flakes, oat bran, etc.  I personally like to always put in the milled flax seed, and whatever else I have on hand in the cupboard.  This recipe makes 4 big loaves, so if that is too much, it is easy to cut the ingredients in half and make just two loaves.  But here, the first loaves go fast, and it's good to have extra. 

Now, my dreams are different and exciting, even scary sometimes.  Before my stroke, I was generally bored with my dreams, which were monotonously dull and regular.  But nowadays, I wake up, not when I just do, but when the dream is finished!  This morning, the dream girl told me to sleep on for awhile, so she could finish the plot of the dream!  So I did!  Can't now remember a thing about the dream, though.  Dream Girl, you are kind of silly.

My chicken is old, and lately, I've been wondering if chickens age like dogs and cats.  There is no difference in her appearance at all, no gray hairs, I mean feathers, no limp or gimpiness, she sings to me in her same voice.  The only thing worrying me now is that I have raised her water jug up higher on the fence by several inches; not only is the water kept clean, but I haven't seen her drinking from the jug, either.  I hope such a small move is not beyond her abilities to recognize it.  So yesterday, I lowered the jug a bit to where it is only a couple of inches off the ground.  She didn't seem to notice or care.....

We are burning all the old, rotten firewood now, before the really cold weather is here.  It doesn't burn hot, like dry hardwood, but it doesn warm the house to about 70 degrees or less, and that's fine for this time of year.  Gets rid of the old wood that is just in the way.  

I made bread the other day, and didn't wear my glasses; so of course, I mis-read the directions and put in way too much liquid.  The resultant mess has been sliced up, and can be fed to Susie Q.  Today, I will bake real bread.  Wearing my glasses.    

You do too deserve this award, no matter what you may think, or your detractors may scream.  I remember that wonderful evening that thousands of people of all colors stood waiting to hear the election results, and the looks on their faces when you won.  The cheers, the tears, and the wondering smiles of joy on their faces, hugging each other.  Millions of people are on your side, hoping for a better world.  Don't be discouraged by detractors who scream their unknowing, money-serving epithets in your direction. 

We woke this morning to snow on the ground!  What a beautiful day, the leaves of red, gold and green, with a white frosting all around.  The wind sounds like winter, doesn't it?  Is it possible to tell exactly what time of year it is by the sound of the wind? 

Very strange psychological changes have been occurring in the minds of us mere mortals - last night John and I discovered that our minds have returned to ancient hurts that we only dimly recognized existed in our pasts.  We have seen these events and tears were shed, but we did not know what each of us was experiencing  until we talked about it last night.  What marvelous events have caused us to remember ancient sadness?  Is it related to the piratical health insurance companies' practices of gouging us to death?  Is it Autumn, coming to remind us of winter's approach?  Is the planet spinning into uncharted territory whose very space contains memories' fragments? 

Today, John has headed out to take his mother down-state to sit with his sister's daughter, who is having a baby.  Labor has begun, and who knows what new method of birthing the girl will try this time?  Last time, she had the baby in a pool of water, giving birth like a dolphin......

I'm staying home, cleaning house, and have decided to begin baking bread all the time now.  Today, it will be English Muffin Bread.  Next, it will be my own recipe for very healthy scrape-your-colon-out bread that really tastes good, also.  Yes, baking time is here.

Keith has been hitting the health care subject hard and true, just like I like to have someone do who can look up facts and be listened to.  I was very inspired by his show ranting exclusively about our health care system - actually, the insurance companies' health care system.  We need a big change of the pernicious money-grubbers who are stealing everybody blind and causing so much suffering in this country.  Death panels, indeed!  We have them right now, in the hands of the insurance companies!  I am cheering Keith on, thinking that he is more like Edward R. Murrow than anyone else out there. 

But lately, I have been introspecting about my life as a citizen of this country.  The truth is, I wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for 1) our Social Security system and 2) our Medicare/Medicaid system, which is all I've got, now that I'm old enough to qualify for those programs.  These have saved my life.  And maybe this country doesn't need me anymore, but it is right and good that I can enjoy my shackhappy life, learn more and more about myself, and be there for my children and grandchild.  So my life has purpose and meaning, in ways I could never have imagined until experiencing them. 

But all this has made me so introspective and shocked at what I have been able to survive and overcome in my youthfulness.  It warrants neither heroism nor grief, no celebrations or recognitions.  Just completion and surety that my life was meaningful and hopefully, of value to our Creator and my fellow human beings.  Perhaps I solved some personal dilemna that has perplexed the ages of humankind....

And back to everyday reality.  The weather has become increasingly colder and wetter lately.  We actually got more than 1" of rain overall!  The personal struggle now is to gather firewood and do any weatherization (insulating) that needs to be done before it becomes frightfully cold. 

My daughter came and took me to the clinic to have my blood tested, and we were to get our regular flu shots at the same time.  I got mine, but her MS symptoms were really bad, and they told her to wait until her condition gets a bit better.  We did a little shopping, stopped for a lunch break, post officed, and home again.  I need to get off the computer now, get out there, and gather firewood.  The tree trimmers have come along the road, cutting down trees that might become problems for the power lines, and the wood can be gathered by anybody who can do so.  Oh, to be younger and stronger!  I'll do what I can.

Got the back wall of the garage painted yesterday afternoon, after it warmed up for the day.  Had to use a paintbrush, which made painting go much faster on plywood.  Was done with all of it by 4:00, and can say that I only ached in my back and arms a bit.  But a hot bath and a good supper of leftover beef stew, then changed my sheets, cleaned up my bedroom good. 

I spread the pieces of blue fleece batting over my bed, and saw that I have enough for a large (even king-size) bed.  All I have to do is sew the pieces together, and I will be cozy for winter.  I had purchased these remnants a long time ago, kept all these years, knowing that they would eventually come in handy.  Now I can sew them together with contrasting yarn in a clever stitch along the edges, and mesmerize myself every night as I watch tv.  I already got them washed, so they are fresh and fluffy.  What color yarn should I use?  Should I put a backing on?  The mind likes to play these simple games. 

I'm putting a link up to my son's snowshoe baseball game that featured a tv personality, Zimmer on the Travel Channel.  Wish I could be more specific about it, but that's all my kids tell me....