The weather seems warmer lately, and I am thinking about Spring coming closer.  I feel better and this year, I want to have a garden.  I did not have one last year, and that's a shame, but this year, I think I am ready to put out some veggies and flowers.  But I want to grow things in pots this year - that way, I won't overburden myself with planting too much.  Go slowly, I tell myself.  The garden has become so weedy, that it needs to be cleansed.  Just how I will do it has not been decided yet.  Black plastic mulch for the first year would be good.  Then planting with clover or some other ground cover/soil fertilizer.  Hmmm.  But planning is good, and the ground is covered with snow. 

I feel so much better lately, but yesterday when I was driving in town, my eyesight suddenly shifted to double.  Not good!  I closed one eye and that solved the problem, when I opened my eye, it had changed back to normal.  I wonder what caused that to happen.  Cleaned out some papers this morning, got a whole box of them to burn or throw away.  Better to burn personal papers, I think. 

I have decided that the key to losing weight lies very much in your mental attitude.  I have been indoctrinating myself with a daily mental blurb designed to achieve my new goal, which is to return to the weight I used to be when young.  However, this may not be truly possible.  I look at people all over the tv, news outlets, personal observations, and what I see is that everyone seems to get wider as they age.  So it isn't just my eating habits.  It's the force of gravity acting upon our bodies, that tends to take a toll as we walk around this planet.  But not everybody spreads out!  Some of us stay thin.  Hmmm....

The Weather Channel shows the misery that other places in this country are suffering through, like Oklahoma today.  It is a pleasant winter here so far, but we've had miserable winter weather too, in the past, and probably will again, someday.  I went to town by myself yesterday, shopping list in hand, and went right to Menards.  I had a check for a goodly amount of money from buying the garage paint, but I noticed (only yesterday) that the check had expired!  Arghh!  I never saw the date until I wanted to cash it. 

In my dreams, I am doing the simplest of daily chores, and not getting upset or frightened.  I think it's because I can accept responsibility for everything and not blame anybody else, no matter what happens.  On I went, but my brain has been befuddled lately, and as I was driving past the hospital, I couldn't help but think that was the reason I had come into town.  So I stopped in and they took my tube of blood and my results show a steady rate of medication being administered by myself.  Thank heavens for those pill boxes! 

I also went to Walmart and got the groceries there on my list, and  bought Vitamin B-12 in lozenge form, to be taken in the morning.  I'm not sure for what, but my daughter has suggested it.  But the bottle shows that one tiny pill is 500 mcg, or 8,333% of daily value!  Why?  I can't imagine why 8,333% of anything would be good for a person.  Maybe I will take one pill a week and that should do it.  I am going to bring this up with my daughter and see what she says.  She told me to take the pill in the morning, as it gives you energy for the day's work. 

And so home again, got all the groceries, etc. carried in and put away, ate the last of my stew, and fell into bed, completely exhausted.  But this morning, we awoke to a squad car stuck in our driveway, and before we could get legs into pants, a tow truck had arrived, and had also gotten stuck in our driveway.  It turns out that our neighbor had launched a complaint against us for allowing our dog(s) to walk across his drainfield.  When, I wonder, since we have been tie-ing up the male dog and my girl dog does not leave home.  Hmmm.  The guy should put a small fence around his drainfield and just bite it!     

My dreams are so detailed and progressive(?) lately, that I am going to make them my planning sessions for the day's activities.  I've gotten a lot done today already, and find that I must force myself to do things that I have been shunting aside.  Have I got a few mental blocks?  Oh, yes, I'd say so.....

Most, and best of all, I am embracing the "real" me, who hasn't given up, hasn't changed very much about the things I value most.  I embrace you, me!  Just need to tweek me a bit and make myself more comfortable with who I am.  I had wasted a lot of my time, fearing/dreading the inevitability of death, which, of course, is the last moment of life, but what's the point of living that way?  I know it's there, waiting, but I don't need to focus on it, especially.  Just bear it in mind, in the background, and don't worry about it. 

Well, that's enough of that.....I have gotten the deer fed already today, don't need to wait until dark to get the apples, corn and alfalfa out there.  One hardship that I am facing now, is that one of my meds (probably warfarin) is making me break out and itch miserably.  So I called the doctor and he said to take an antihistamine 3 times a day....  So I am.  Maybe I will get better rest tonight, be able to fall asleep sooner. 

Spent the morning sorting and (I wanted to say "deleting") my paper mail that builds up at an enormous rate.  This will all have to be hauled to the "recycling center" (we used to call it a dump) and made into new stuff.  But I can't help but think of that last time I went there myself, and the stroke I had was just beginning......if such a thing happens again, this time I will get to the hospital pronto.  Wish I had known what a stroke is.....

The house is beginning to warm up now.  It is so warm when sleep finally comes in the night, and when you wake up, it's so darn cold.  Today, 58 degrees in here.  How can it get so cold so fast? 

I watched President Obama speaking at a gathering of Republicans last night, and he is not letting up on the goals he has set out for the country!  I was very pleased to see him still fighting on for what he believes is good for all of us, including Republicans.  A sensible division of power and resources so that the whole country can prosper. 

I can't believe how much better I feel since giving up on making firewood, hauling it in, and wrestling with it so much.  I am strengthening, healing damages I inflicted on myself from all that extra work.  I also spoke to John about going back to gas heat in the fireplace.  It will be more expensive, but it's our health that is being risked by working harder than we should.  The last year!  I went for a walk with Pepper this afternoon, and did not experience any pain in the legs and hips at all.  I feel like a new person, almost.  John agrees, but grudgingly.  I know, I know, it's the money....the environment.... et al. 

My daughter's health seems to be better now that she is taking steroids - eek!  But whatever works!  I was very worried about her after this last bout.   

And it's cold!  Woke up this morning to a cold house, and also yesterday morning.  It is cold in here, and getting the fire up and running good is the first order of business.  I am not going to use wood heat any more - this is the last year for wood heat.  I will have to replace the gas  heat insert I had taken out when gas prices went so high.  But it is too much work for older folks to do, getting the wood in.  I almost feel relieved.....but I don't like using gas, either.  It's a necessary choice, though. 

I have been taking extra corn and alfalfa hay out for the deer, and it is always gone, so they are getting it eaten up, that's for sure.  I am going to town today to buy apples.  The chicken is doing all right, but spends most of her time inside her house, only comes out to grab a bite - her latest favorite food is cottage cheese!  And the birds just love being able to get a drink of water when they need it.  I haven't seen any of them taking a bath, though. 

Yesterday, I dug out my writings and read my novel.  It took me all day, and well into the evening, and I did not have any negative thoughts or feelings about it.  I'm going to attempt to publish it here on the blog, somehow.  Will have to start reading the manuals to see how best to do it.   

Obama is a good speaker.....I watched last night, and once again, I was convinced that our country is headed on the right path.  Okay.  He has gotten a lot done in his first year, and the odds of getting anything done at all were slim.  Much of the criticism leveled at the Democrats for being "weak" and easy to knock down just aren't correct. 

I was watching the audience last night, much more so than usual, to see their reactions, and was not surprised to see the Republican side acting so stiff and unrelenting.  Finally, a few of them got up and started applauding here and there, but they did not move at all when the President announced good things for the people of this country.   Well, the whole thing was an eye opener and quite different from what I thought it would be.

Most of all, it renewed my supportive feelings for President Obama and for the people of this country.  But I do wonder how long our country will last with such divisive-ness acting upon all of us.  However, it only takes a flip of the button to the History Channel to see that all former rulers relied heavily on wielding the sword to quell dissent.  Here and now, we all must get along.  And this is the system we have for doing so. 

I once again renewed my pledge of support for President Obama and for the principles of the Democratic Party, that are the good and just answer to the "worldly rule" of the Republicans.  But I did have to sneer at the Republicans for their sudden burst of urgency that our country needs to "conserve money" now.  Is this so they can walk in when they take over and steal it all again with a fork lift?  Aren't we tired of hearing them referred to as  "conservatives?"  Ah, but there I go again.  And don't even get me started on the Supreme Court Republicans and their latest ruling regarding corporate rights....  I've been yammering about that for as long time already, and now here we are, ready for the slaughter. 

But thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Obama, for your wonderful service to our nation.  What a good speech!  

This winter, we have had almost all the woodpeckers coming to the feeders, that are shown in the birdbook.  The Downy (smallest), Hairy (medium), and the Pileated (largest):  they could all be seen as quite similar in coloration and their size is the most distinguishing feature that separates them.  But the Downy and Hairy Woodpeckers are very similar to each other, and the Pileated Woodpecker rather resembles the Ivory Billed Woodpecker in size and body shape (Ivory Billed not a northern bird, though).  Then there's the Red-Headed Woodpecker, whose entire head is red, of course.  Another red-headed one is the so-called Red-Bellied Woodpecker, whose belly may be tinged with some red, but who would most resemble the Flicker, except the Flicker is easily identified by large size, and his unique call.   Finally, the Yellow-Bellied Sapsucker, who most resembles the Hairy and Downy Woodpeckers, has a red topknot and red throat patch.  They obviously ran out of names for all these woodpeckers, and had to refer to yellow bellies, which most of them have, too.  The other day, I saw a row of female woodpeckers all sitting on a branch, and misidentified them as evening grosbeaks, because of their yellow bellies. 

The latest visitors, and they come every day, are the Pileated Woodpeckers, who cling easily to the trunks of trees, banging away on the suet hanging on the tree.  They are too big to cling easily to the small suet cakes we have for the smaller woodpeckers, chickadees and nuthatches.  We also are feeding a group of blue jays on the corn pile and at the feeders, and all the birds like the fresh water we have set out in an old baking pan with the water heating device in it.  The water doesn't get hot, or even warm, it just stays unfrozen.  The grey squirrels have been seen daily, and all of the birds and critters get along - we just keep the feeding/watering stations separated by some distance in the yard.  There are branches aplenty for them to roost and survey everything to make sure it's safe to come and eat or drink. 

I look forward to going to sleep and I dream a lot now.  I can remember the dreams somewhat, and they lead me to remembering things during the daytime that I had forgotten long ago, and never intended to remember again.  They are peculiar, and often life-changing memories of events long ago.  But not happy thoughts follow.  Understanding follows, and sometimes that is depressing.  But then I remember that I won, after all......I'm still standing, and can grow and learn.   

I think I am discouraged by what is happening politically in this country now....I had hoped for better results with Democrats in the drivers' seat, and I am completely disappointed by the politics of this country.  The strange maneuverings of our Senate border on insanity, and the rules? of engagement are completely stupid.  The Democrats need 70 votes to get anything done, the Republicans do anything they want with 60 votes.  But the Health Care Package, as it stands now (messed up completely by Blue Dog Democrats) doesn't get my hopes up for a fair and sane health care system.  Never heard of "blue dogs" before.....

The point is that I feel disengaged from our system, after having such high hopes when the election results came in over one year ago.  I don't feel I can participate, hope, work, and pray for what I believe to be right and fair for all of us.  Now I keep turning away from the foolish and despicable maneuverings of our elected officials.  It is obvious that all corporate money awards handed out to these men and women have completely corrupted their integrity.  And everything that is wrong with our system right now could be corrected for the better with fair-minded rules in place.  There isn't anything wrong in Washington that couldn't be made right by changing the rules.  Strength is needed now, but only a few have it. 

I keep thinking of Carlos Castaneda's dream, in which he was standing in another state of mind in the desert at night.  He saw a large kangaroo-like animal hopping toward him, and when it got close, it stopped and looked at him.  It wasn't a kangaroo, he thought, it was a new life form with human-like intelligence.  I keep thinking about that dream of his - when the humans have wrought the destruction of the world around them, eventually a new life form will arise that will dominate the earth and perhaps, make a new, better beginning for the Whole World. 

Meantime, my own dreams go on, and I'm not at all discouraged if they are not "happy" dreams - they teach me what the truth is about my life.      

Time seems to have slowed down to a crawl.  I keep thinking it's February, but not.  The January thaw has been a nice respite from colder temperatures.  But a roof rake is needed now, to keep roofs from collapsing.  Which is exactly what happened to my garage.  The roof caved in and is lying flat on top of the garage.  John had removed a support from one corner to .... uh, I can't remember why just now ---  but that is a no-no unless it gets replaced right soon.  Which he forgot to do.  I saw it when Pepper and I took off for our walk yesterday.  I couldn't help but think of how the people in Haiti are suffering, only on a massive scale.  I would hate to lose the garage now that it's painted and looking better. 

I have been having stranger, violent dreams lately, in which I seem to be the dream girl dealing with problems I never wanted to deal with.  I suppose this is a part of my life that I don't want.  Remember the elves?  They have not returned at all, and that means that my brain is healing from the stroke I had.  Actually, calling them elves was not a true name for them - but I just don't know what they were, anyway.  My brain now, must be struggling to overcome some other difficulty that I have faced (or not) in the past.  I guess I won't know what it is until I have overcome it.  But I feel good - positive and getting there.  Ready to change, if necessary. 

Have I mentioned that I went into town and saw the movie "Avatar?"  It was truly inspirational and of course, had a happy ending, unlike our own country's history with the native American people.  But perhaps it shows the young people that our country could do better than what we have done in the past.  The scenery was spectacular and so were the animals in the movie.  A beautiful piece of art.  I'm glad I went.   

I went to the movie last evening, and did not need (nor were they offered) 3-D glasses.  The movie was great!  And I enjoyed it so much.  On the way into town, the road sucked me into the ditch, and somehow I managed to keep my cool, and drove out okay.  This was on the new road that doesn't have shoulders yet, so things can get pretty hairy in winter, especially.

Today, things are quiet and warmish outside, grey and gloomy.  My chicken is doing just great at the warmer temps, and with her hotter lightbulb.  She was even crooning this morning. 

My daughter has been having a terrible time lately, and I feel so bad for what she is going through.  She is taking steroids, and they make her on edge and it's hard to know if they are helping or not. 

That's an optimistic hope....  But I've been feeling so much better lately, that it would be foolish not to be happy.  Yet yesterday, I got up very early and had to go back to bed for awhile.  When I got up again, I had scratched off that I had taken two of my pills, yet there they were in the pill box assortment.  I don't know if I forgot to use the pill box or what.....but I took the pills again, using the box, and I seem to be all right. 

My chicken, Suzie Q., has responded well to the warmer temperatures of the last few days, and I also bought a package of 67 watt bulbs and put one in for her house.  She is much warmer now, and has responded by eating heartily all the food that I've put out.  The crisis is over, and she is very energetic, horking down her food ravenously.  Well, that's a relief. 

There are so many birds at all the feeders we have up, that it is a constant entertainment to sit by the window and watch them all enjoying the food.  And I've been feeding the deer in the evenings and every bit is gone by morning.  The deer go up and down the roads and driveways at night, and their hoofprints are all over.  We have the water dish out for the wild birds, and the heater is kept in their pan, so they also have fresh water to drink. 

Today, I'm going to town and see "Avatar" wearing the 3-D glasses.  Nobody would go with me, but it's the last day it's here, so I said "See ya!" and I'm going by myself. 

av.a.tar   a) an incarnation or embodiment, as of a quality or concept.  b) a varying manifestation or aspect of a particular entity. 

Suzie Q. hasn't eaten much in the past week.  She used to be crazy about the Raisin Bran I was feeding her, and that was the last complimentary garble she uttered.  After that, the feeding mood was gone, and the food has built up inside her feeding area until it is a mountain of the uneaten.  She is molting - that's normal every once in awhile.  But she doesn't even drink her fresh water that I bring to her twice a day.  Is it too cold?  Has a weasel gotten into her cage and given her a bite?  I wouldn't be able to detect a weasel bite, if so.  I can only hope she overcomes whatever is ailing her, but I am beginning to lose hope.  Her latest is that she imitates me, when I make an eating sound, like smacking my gums, yum-yum-yum, she imitates it exactly.   She's looking pretty peaked, and I'm worried. 

And that is my life, right now.  Everything has slowed down to a crawl.  A list of things to do doesn't even require a piece of paper to write them down - the list is so short.  Today I will vacuum, shampoo my hair, call my sister to wish her a happy birthday, and make a coleslaw salad to go with the meatloaf I made earlier.  I've already done a number of things automatically, like feed the dogs and chicken, make my bed, etc. and I need to dust, of course.  Going through the mail has become a longer than usual task these days - I thought it might slow down now that the computer is here.  But it only gets worse. 

In the newspaper, a local photographer/nature studies expert got a very good picture of the northern hawk owl.  Shown as "rare."  My daughter and I saw and identified one in the northern part of our county years ago, they are from Canada.  What a cute little owl!  The one we saw came swooping down in front of us and pounced on a mouse in the snow, and we saw it up close enough to identify it.  I'm going to try to put the picture up here on my blog.  I've done that before, but don't know where the pictures went - they aren't here now.   

I went to see doctor again yesterday and just tell him that the new metaprolol that is time-released is working just great for me, and I won't have to try other meds.  Got to do a little shopping, got all the dogs' food, went to the feed store, got a new bag of chicken feed, and home again, where the struggle to get all into the house was the most intense effort of the day.  I used a big black tub John has rigged up like a sled to bring in firewood, and the job was done in one move. 

I am through cleaning up from the chimney fire, and the knowledge we have gained from the last fright night is helping us to remain calm and assured now that we understand what happened and why.  The only mystery is that John misplaced the stove "key" that is used to open and shut things on the stove.  We are using a bit of the axe blade now, or a large bladed screwdriver would work, too.  Just need a glove to manage the air control on the top/back of the stove.  All is well, and the stove is working beautifully now. 

My chicken wouldn't even come out of her house yesterday because it was too cold, even for her yard.  So I put her food and water inside her house for her, and worried about her all night.  I asked Sam, the man at the feed store, "how long do chickens live?" and he said he has had them live for a lot longer than mine.  We think Suzy Q. is about 7 years old.  

First, going out at midnight to see the moon.  It was big and bright, with a sort of blue sky surrounding it, then a bit further out, the halo of golden rays...how beautiful and strange.  All around me, the people who live in the woods lit off their fireworks, just the noisy, boom-boom kind, and kept this up for longer than any Fourth of July.  Quite impressive.  Back in, and to bed.

Next day, it grew quite cold, and I made a big supper to celebrate the first day of the new year.  A beef tenderloin was roasted with crimean mushrooms until just done.  Potatoes were peeled, cooked until tender, and served with butter and salt.  I made a big salad featuring lettuce, tomatoes, cukes, shaved carrots, diced onions, shredded cheese, and topped with whatever dressings on hand.  A bottle of Liebfraumilch made me quite a dumpling after two small glasses.  And for dessert, I made a strange pie with all manner of leftovers I found in the cupboard; a coconut cream/shredded coconut filling in a graham cracker crust, topped with cherry pie filling and lots of lo-cal whipped topping.  It's delicious! and different!

Ah, but when retiring for the night, John loaded up the stove with wood, and got it blazing - so much so, that we both suspected something was wrong, and sure enough, it was another chimney fire.  It roared so uncontrollably that we got out the fire extinguisher and used that, to not much avail, on the flames.  John went up on the roof and began shoveling snow down the chimney, but I remained in the house, watching the stove to see what, oh what, is causing it to misbehave like this.  Whenever John threw snow down the chimney, flames would shoot out the back of the stove and soon, the coupling that joins the stove to the chimney turned bright red.  When I informed John of these doings, he immediately understood what the problem was - that somehow, an air vent that should have remained closed, was wide open and that was causing the fire to roar like a dragon.  He merely closed it gently, and immediately the stove began to behave itself again, and I for one, can tell exactly how the stove is behaving by its sound alone.  A great relief descended over the household, but again, what a mess to clean up afterward.  All this took hours, and it took me a long time to settle down.

I'm tired today, need more sleep, and only half dressed.  Did dishes, fed dogs and chickens, and I'm going to take a nap this afternoon. 

I can't believe how good I feel lately.  Is it because my meds are being controlled by the pill box instead of my brain?  Is it because I have started my diet plan, and have not fallen down on counting calories, and have stayed within my calorie range?  Is it because I have been going for a walk with Pepper every afternoon, being well bundled against the cold?  And finally, can it be because I have undertaken a new approach to my life and environs, getting things done that I was always too tired to do? 

I have altered my thinking to be more in touch with the times.  I heard about a thing called "Kindle" that allows you to download books off the internet in a jiffy.  That really interests me, and I might be checking into that.  I heard there were other programs too that are the same as Kindle, but I can't remember what they are right now.  Well, this means that I could condense my enormous library of books and get any new ones I want without spending a lot of money. 

And in no small measure do I give credit to my own dreams, which have changed dramatically over this past year.  I am operating in another sphere or realm, and doing some marvelous things.  I have increased my ability to focus and concentrate, and feel that I'm getting stronger, improving every day.  I am not the powerhouse that I was when young (didn't appreciate it then, only wondered), but I have developed a sense of drive that I seemed to be lacking for a number of years. 

Well, congratulations to all who have survived until this eve.  This full blue moon evening in the cold northwoods, me and my black dog and my black chicken, and the deer who come to feed in the woods at evening on the corn and alfalfa hay I put out for them.  May the new year see many more improvements, good luck to all.

Glad somehow that the Christmas "rush" is over, and life becomes normal again.  I can feel the stress leaving, although there weren't any real problems for me.  In fact, everything was beautiful.

So now on to my everyday, winter accomplishment goals.  But first, I've got to mention my dieting/cooking efforts.  Not that much, really.  But the real problem with me is that I have to keep track of calories.  Keeping track of calories is the only sure way I have now of knowing what I am doing with eating.  I keep a medium-sized pad of paper by the right hand side of my eating place, with pen handy beside it.  I write Monday and then start to enumerate things that I am eating right then.  It is easy these days to count calories (packages of food are all labeled), judge how much I have taken, and write down a very good estimate of how many calories are in that serving.  I know from my test results that I consume far too many starches, so that is what I am focused on getting rid of.  I am 2 days into this effort.....I feel good, and I am showing restraint.

I found an old floor lamp that my mother had and wondered if it still worked - it did, so I cleaned it up, washed the shade, and flipped the switch.  Yowza!  It has a bright light that really works, once it quits fooling around making buzzing noises.  I keep it on so I don't have to fool around with it.  I will buy a new circular bulb I saw at Menards that still only uses 25 watts - I'll buy one and be ready when this one fails.  In the meantime, I put it between the kitchen and the woodstove area and I now can see what is going on there. 

Naturally, this engendered an afternoon of cleaning and scrubbing the floor where the chimney fire produced such a blackened mess.  Had I mentioned the chimney fire?  It roared up the chimney, and cleaned a lot of crap off the inside walls, which fell down and had to be removed with the ash shovel and bucket (and a long 2x4).  Very messy.  Also, John had to climb onto the roof, using 2 uncooprative laddiers to get up there, while a pillar of flame shot out the top of the chimney, but then a big snowball down the chimney put the fire out at last.  Lots of grey smoke.  I am so helpless these days....I just stood in the yard and watched....stood in the livingroom and watched. 

Anyway, yesterday when I got that floor lamp lit, it shone upon the really bad mess that remained to be dealt with, including the insides of my cookstove oven, which were still strewn about.  It became a chore best undertaken by removing everything in the whole area next to the chimney, and dealing with one thing at a time.  Finally, I was able to sweep, then vacuum the floor, and wash it with just a drop of dishwashing liquid and a big splash of old lemon juice I keep on hand.  Amazing stuff, that lemon juice - the floor turned bright and clean even as water was applied, and I used a throw-away rag to blot up the black stuff and voila! the floor turned a dazzling, bright clean.  I cleaned up the oven parts and put them back inside the useless oven and closed the door.  Only the top of the cookstove works, but it's essential to keep.  I cleaned up the outside of the oven part and it looks pretty good.  But then, I decided I'd had enough as I was beginning to feel sore. 

I have not been doing one thing about/with firewood.  That is the one thing that keeps me down, recovering from soreness.  Oh sure, I can and do lift one piece of firewood and get it shoved into the stove so the fire won't go out while I am home alone, but I do that sitting on a footstool, and that is all I can manage.  I think I have found out what my limitation is on that score. 

I used Miss Clairol on my hair and dyed it a soft brown.  I barely curled the very ends under, and thought that it looked pretty good, since I also cut it chin length a while back.  A whole new look for me, and I like it.  No more long pony tails, thank you, but it does hang down into my face, which bothers me and I have to tie it back.  Now, what will today bring?  What effort will be mine?  

There is no doubt in my mind, or what's left of it, that I am not improving after the stroke.  I have received results from all the many tests I've had, and it seems a repeat of the tests I had before.  All the signs are good, except for triclycerides; that is, starches that I consume - way too much.  But my eyesight has not improved at all, may have gotten worse.  And my memory has not improved at all - oh, but it has! it just hasn't gotten any better. 

Christmas get-together was held at my daughter's house, and they served Italian barbequed sandwiches and cut up veggies on a platter with dips.  The veggies were so beautiful and fresh - a joy to munch on.  The barbequed beef was delicious.  None of us wanted any dessert, but a plate of Christmas cookies was passed and everyone grudgingly ate one, then complained bitterly about it afterward.  A good, frugal food Christmas repast.  No one had any alcohol to drink, just coffee.  Gifts were exchanged with smiles and gratitude.   I drove home before it began to get dark.  There were 3 days of snow, sleet and wind to think about, and no one wanted trouble with/from the weather. 

My grandson hasn't been heard from this year at all.  Not one word.  Something is again, or has again, happened to dampen his thoughts of his father's side of the family.  No one knows.....  We have gone through this so many times before...

So the holiday is over, and now I have finally decided on what to do during this winter.  I want to completely rewire the house.  Or should I say, have the house rewired.  Depending on cost and other factors.  I don't have much money, but will see what is involved.....

And I need to stop eating triclycerides - starches.  I need to cut them by 2/3 of what I now eat.  I have relied on breads, pastas, chips, crackers, potatoes, far and away more than I should have.  Perhaps my only chance of self-improvement lies in losing weight! 

But I am grateful and thankful for this year of self-improvement and home improvement.  So on I go.

I'm trying to get presents wrapped today, and have them all collected and gathered and placed in piles on my bed.  Except for the three-pak of heavy socks that I have completely lost somewhere in this house.  I have the packing list out and they are listed and checked off there.  Where, oh where, are they?  I have looked everywhere....

Today's the first day of using my new pill box, that I am certain is unnecessary at present.  I'm still going to use my own system, too.  I got a lot done yesterday in the house, some heavy lifting chores were undertaken, and my breaking back got no more the worse for it.  I'm thinking now that the achey-breaky thing is a germ of some sort that has produced this condition.  Who can tell?  But I'm forging ahead and getting things done in spite of anything.  I notice that when I do something - anything, it improves my mental state. 

This year I have decided that I will not be sending out Christmas cards - the cards are a cost item, and must be dealt with after the holiday is over.  It seems a shame to throw them away.  The risk is that you will save them forever, and they will have to be thrown away by your descendants.  Then there's the cost of postage, no small item anymore.  I am, this year, beginning to send emails to all - there's only one that does not have a computer.  I will make it a personal Christmas greeting email and write a letter to each one. 

The deer are fond of the alfalfa hay I've been putting out for them.  So today, I gave Suzie Q. a handful of alfalfa chaff (the green tops and broken stems) and she fell upon them like a maniac, eating them all.  So....even Suzie Q!  This is making me happy, that I keep finding things to feed the critters that they like.

My daughter took me to the clinic for my oft-repeated blood test panel, and they tested for 4 things:  my liver, my cholesterol, my thyroid, and my blood thinner levels.  Blood thinner levels were high, so I am off them for a couple of days.  They are insisting that I'm goofing up and taking too many pills, but my system is all but infallible.  I look on the wall chart to see what's next, check the time, get out the required pill or 1/2 pill, place it in my mouth, pick up pen and mark it off with this week's marking symbol, then get my water and swallow the pill.  Put pen down.  But...if there is a way to mess the system up... they are insisting that I now use pill box.  Which my daughter has given me - she had several.  I know that there is a chance that I am still forgetting something in the above-mentioned process. 

We ate at Hardees after the clinic visit.  I had coupons.  Shopped at the feed store and picked up alfalfa hay for the deer, as all stores are now out of deer apples already.  My deer come up to eat even when I am outside.  It is nice to have the deer around, but then my neighbor came over and complained (nicely) about my dogs crossing his property to go on their rounds - they may be interfering with his septic system and well - making these lines freeze up.  Perhaps the deer cross his lines as well, but that will not be my problem from now on.  Keeping the amazing wonder dog on a leash for now, while John plans a dog kennel-type area for as soon as he can get together the materials to build it.  Pepper does not wander unless Arnie presses her to go with him.

I have been so tempted to break my vow not to post articles about the political situation any more.  You can only imagine my frustration with our Senate, screwing around and getting ready to pass an insurance company bill now.  I am with Howard Dean now, hoping that the Dems elect to kill the bill.  Unless it can be salvaged.  I am frightfully disappointed that President Obama seems to be lukewarm to all his promises that he made during his campaign.  And talking comforting words to the Republicans who are making a mockery of health care reform.  I have been so disappointed....but what do I know?  Maybe there's more to this situation than meets the eye?  Like Republican "death panels" are just fine for poor people they want to get rid of, now that they have been defrauded of the American Dream.....  oh, but I made a promise not to talk about it. 

What I want is for Every American - rich, poor, of every kind and color, every age, every physical condition - to have health care coverage.  And we need the public option to keep health care costs down.  That is what we need and want. 

It seems that all the news is disheartening.  The health care reform debacle, the global warming debacle, the poor situation in this country, and I am trying hard to keep my spirits up.  I want my children and grandchildren to have a better world and it's worth sacrificing for.  What I see is a new world order that is going to be very hard for us old-timers to accept, and it is overwhelming to imagine what the world is coming to.  But the world turns on, and the young, strong ones must deal with the realities, even as their elders did in their own time.

Soon the shortest day will be here.  And then the days will become longer, even though the cooling down process will remain behind the time.  I have relaxed a bit.  The "need" to get going on some project inside the house, the "need" to eliminate the bulk of my possessions, has sensibly passed, and I will just keep things as neat and clean and organized as possible.  My house is a museum of things that I have collected over many years, and I am not one of those hoarders on tv shows, either.  The project I will attempt inside the house will begin after the holidays are over.  Holiday = holy day.  Uh-oh!  Watch it there, girl.  Someone might object! 

We are dealing with this first rush of winter weather as best we can.  I had hurt my back so badly that I had to stay in bed and rest for two days, and that was just from filling a gallon jug with water and pouring it into the water evaporation tray on top of the stove.  It was reaching with the gallon of water that pulled my back out and almost fell down with the pain.  But it's getting better now, so I just hope I live more sensibly from now on.

My chicken is doing all right, but has almost stopped eating.  I don't know what to think!  But I bring her food which builds up in her outer cage and freezes into a mountain.  What she is interested in is water!  And this I bring twice a day, slightly heated up, and she spends all her outside time at her water dish, happily slurping up the liquid refreshment, and looking at me as she gulps it down. 

The dogs are dears, coming in and going out when needed, and now I am also feeding a small group of deer of different ages in the adjoining woods.  Putting out corn and apples each afternoon - they come in late afternoon or early evening to feed.  The birds at the feeders are constant and cheerful. 

Umm, that seems to be me.  John brought home a new convection toaster oven, and it bakes two regular size loaves of bread at a time.  It's a GE Toaster Oven, and it has been performing well, even to my jaded eyes - it can stay.  Today I moved it into a permanent location on the kitchen counter where it will remain until its life is over.  Out went the old, burned up toaster oven; many years it has sat there, performing in it's inscrutable way, burning the toast on one side and not doing anything on the other side; and now it's been removed to the garage (oh, no!) another relic of the past.  We've baked bread, made toast, roasted a chicken, made a pizza, and the new one has performed very well.  I have accepted it and arranged the kitchen anew.  I still want my stove's oven to be fixed, though. 

We've had below zero nights, and can feel the coldness in my bones.  I'm just not as ready to accept cold temps anymore...

My dreams are unusual.  I remember snatches of them, and I seem to be operating at another level on a different plane - not my life, but some version of myself, disposing of the same activities without clinging (?) to them. 

Most of the country is engulfed in this latest winter storm.  I was despondent, thinking it would miss us and not give the requested frozen moisture, but we have a goodly amount all over everything out there.  The wind was frisking around, and the house was so warm last night, we let the fire go out and I just put an extra blanket on.  I gave John a hooded sweatshirt to wear to his bed.  It is not too deep, but white all over.  I had brought in quite a bit of the dead oak branches I found earlier that John had cut up.  I put them in a plastic sled, which slides easily over leaves or snow, and dragged it right into the house.  Two loads and there's still a lot left. 

I had gone shopping day before yesterday; got all my groceries for me and the dogs, and hauled in and put away.  I had to go right to bed after that and recover from the effort.  The doctor prescribed me a double dose of metaprolol which is time-released, and maybe I am still adjusting to it, but it could be the cold I always seem to be having (for weeks now).  Or old age just means I need more rest - a nap, yeah.

My wood stove is a Waterford 103 made in Ireland.  I bought it in 1985 and it is still good.  Heavy, brown enameled cast iron, a flat top where I have placed a heavy aluminum flat pan that my father made in one of his many factory jobs.  I keep this flat pan filled with water and I estimate that at least a gallon of water is evaporated into the air every day.   Oak, pine and birch are the woods we burn.  The chimney was built by a man who did a good job.  It is in the house, about a foot away from the wall, made of cinder block with a liner of baked enameled clay, and the outside of the chimney is painted dark red with yellow underneath to resemble bricks (my project to dress up plain cinder block).

Well, that is all for this Shackhappy girl.  I am almost done with my Christmas shopping, and today, I'm putting up my fake tree on an end table.  I love the lights, and will try to decorate my porch door with some lights too. 

And I made this salad for supper, using up as many vegetables and fruits and all that I had on hand.  Basically, it is the same BLT salad I got from the Taste of Home magazine, except that by now, I have added so many things and changed the dressing, that I can now call it My Humungus Incredible Salad, made in the biggest bowl I have (dishpan size).  So full of goodies, that one bite can be a chewing experience with many little delights. 

Start with 3 small frying pans.  In Pan No. 1, cut into little pieces 1/3 lb. of bacon and get this started over low heat, melting it first, then gradually frying the little pieces to perfection.  Drain them on a paper towel.  In Pan No. 2, one tablespoon of cooking oil and begin frying 4 thin strips of chicken breast, season with lemon pepper, paprika, seasoned salt, and poultry seasoning.  Turn over and cook over low heat, covered with a lid.  When done, cut them into small bite-size pieces.  In Pan No. 3, 2 tblspns. butter melted, add half a bag of cooked, peeled shrimp.  If necessary, de-tail them and rinse them under fresh running water until no tailbones(?) remain.  Season with garlic salt with parsley.  Drain, set aside.

Cook one cup of garden rotini in salted water, drain, rinse under cool water and set aside.  In a large salad bowl, dice or shred 1/2 head of lettuce; add 6 radishes, sliced; 1 small carrot, shredded; 1 stalk celery, diced; 1/2 onion, diced; 2 small Roma tomatoes, chopped; 1 cucumber, chopped; 1/2 Braeburn apple, chopped; 1 orange, peeled and chopped, or 1 can Mandarin oranges, drained; 1 piece of string cheese, sliced; 1/3 cup shredded Mozzarella & Provolone cheese; 1/3 cup almonds, sliced thin.  Add the rotini and meats, gently lifting with a large spoon to blend all. Cut a piece of lemon and squirt the juice over all.  Salt with less than a teaspoon.  Drizzle your choice of dressing over all (mine was Ranch).  On top, add 1 cup of cottage cheese in a little mound.  Around the base of the salad mountain, place 1 teaspoon (in 3 places) of Mrs. Renfro's Tequila Salsa in your choice of heat settings (mine was medium).

Whoa-ho!  I think I have hit a salad plateau here.  Of course, there's enough for at least 2 people. 

I have been concerned for my chicken, Susie Q, who has been looking peaked and not coming out of her house or talking to me.  I decided that the trouble most likely is the fast-arriving cold now that December is here.  Today, I only uncovered her cage enough to feed her and see about her water.  It was frozen!  So I brought out warm water to add to it, and sat by and watched her while she drank a lot.  I brought out many of her favorite foods to feed her, and when I came out later, I again kept her covered and brought warm water to her right in her house.  There was definitely an amused or perhaps laughing look in her eye as I spoke to her about the situation.  She was very plump by then, has had plenty of water to drink and much food.  Things are looking good, just have to remember to keep her outer cage covered now. 

My son is getting me heating devices for her waterbowl and for the birds at the feeders.  That will make things easier for all of them. 

I jumped in the tub and scrubbed myself, and brushed my hair good and tied it back, dressed and called my daughter to come and get me.  I have a doctor appointment and will get my blood drawn.  But my daughter is busy with a lot of stuff going on around her today.  They are still attempting to get a loan to pay off their credit cards (like I did).  They had to have their house appraised - people crawling around in their attic - and their loan people are headquartered in lower California - can't seem to speak or think well - and the months have gone by with nothing accomplished.  So I can count my blessings, that my loan was taken care of locally, and everything went smoothly. 

Besides that, the same drunk driver who ran down their mailbox last year has done it again, only much worse, on the other side of the road, this time totalling his vehicle so badly, they can't even get it on a flatbed truck, it's so mangled.  But the guy has had so many drunk driving arrests, that he doesn't dare get caught again.  Nobody is going to turn him in though, because his family lives all around there, and they are trying to get the wreckage out of the roadway before the cops get involved.  Hmmm....of course, the better solution (and safer for the community) would be....I just hope he doesn't kill anybody.  This is a bad thing to post, but it is a part of all of our lives, in one way or another.  And I could go on and on, spouting all about my politics and beliefs, without saying anything new.  Fact is, I have driven drunk, many years ago now, but always at night, late at night, and I am as guilty as many are. 

Happy first day of December!  I have been very happy and content lately, just being alive, relatively healthy, and well-filled with life experiences.  All family members are pretty healthy, and able to cope with things that come up.  I haven't heard lately from my grandson, but I know I will as soon as he can break away from his work. 

I want to make a pumpkin pie and a cherry pie today.  That should be fun - oh no!  no oven!  Well, er....some time in the future, then.

The new hot water heater works very well, taking only a few minutes to heat up the water in the 20 gallon tank.  That's all the hot water I ever need, especially if I manage it frugally as a resource and a blessing.  We turn the hot water heater off most of the time, only heating the water when it is specifically needed for bathing and doing dishes.  The laundry is done in cold water. 

At last we got a snowfall that covers the ground, at least.  Day before yesterday, and it is appreciated by all of us.  We feel joy, and the dogs now like to sit outside in the cold and snow, looking around at everything, guarding their stolen treasure of a deer's leg bone they brought home from who-knows-where.  They leave it parked right at the doorstep when they come in at night.  I slipped and almost fell when I stepped on it yesterday, going out to feed the chicken.  Susie Q. has not appeared to be happy that winter is here now, stays inside her house, keeping her nest eggs warm all day.  She has these moods.  She doesn't actually tell me a thing! 

Turn the pages of the calendars, look at the new pictures. 

My eyesight is so poor now, that I inadvertently bought a bigger bird than I should have.  I thought it was 10 lbs. but it was $10. something, so was 14 lbs.  It barely could be placed in the slow cooker.  It sticks up so high, I had to put a tinfoil edge around the lid, and may have to add more heatproofing later.  I spent this morning, the day after T-day, getting my bird in the slow cooker pan, which is almost as big as a Nesco roaster, but not quite.  After thawing the bird in the refrigerator for a few days on a shallow pan, I depackaged it this morning, washed it under running water, removing all packaging.  These giblets and neck were cooked in water separately in a pan first, and chopped up and added to the stuffing.  But not the neck - that was broken up and fed to the dogs.  I toasted bread and cut it into cubes, cut up celery, onions, apples, cranberries, apricots to add to the cubes, along with the chopped giblets, and many spices from my cabinet.  Salt, lemon pepper, garlic/pepper, paprika, savory, Mrs. Dash (no salt), rosemary, parsley, sage (lots of sage).  Butter melted in the hot water and doused the whole thing and mixed it up.  Stuffed the bird front and back (or top and bottom), pushed it into the slow cooker, dabbed with spices and butter, arranged the multi-layered top and turned it on.  It will be many hours, I suppose, before it is done.  There will be mashed potatoes, gravy, boiled yams and butter, home-made cranberry sauce and a big salad, using all the fresh veggies and lettuce I have now.  No dessert, I can always eat a cookie if I need one. 

Yesterday was Thanksgiving at my daughter's house.  I drove all the way by myself and this was the hardest thing I did all day.  I had to keep focused on driving and seeing everything on the road.  The whole day was planned so that I could leave before it got dark and drive myself back home.  I went right to bed and slept for a few hours just to recover from the effort.  The deer herd she feeds came to her house late afternoon to get fed and visit with her.  They know her voice and the big buck comes right up to her and takes food while very near to her.  She is rather frightened by this, but they keep coming, not put off by her hesitation.  But the buck did not come when we were there. 

They fry the turkey in a deep fryer (in the driveway), and although it is good, I very much like to cook my turkey the way it used to be done - struggling with the stuffing, etc.  It is juicier that way, I think.  And - I get to have leftovers for a week!  The dogs love to have turkey too, a nice change from their regular food.  I cooked the turkey necks today (got my son-in-law's turkey neck and giblets, too) and I will break off pieces of them as nice treats.  They crunch down the bones and all. 

My daughter-in-law, the policewoman, had to work yesterday and we missed having her there for dinner, but at least she was getting paid well for working on a holiday.  My son was there also; and he had got his buck this season.  As soon as it was cleaned, he gave it to his friend who has a family to feed - always appreciated.  People of the Deer - we like to have them all around us, happy, wild and healthy, and also eat them, enjoying them that way, too.

My new Sudoku puzzle books came in the mail - Super Challenger Sudoku - and I think I'll lie down today and rest while contemplating a full winter's worth of puzzles to keep me happy.

There were snowflakes in the air yesterday, but nothing stuck to the ground, here. 

There was water leaking out of the hot water heater, making the pump go on a lot, which is why I noticed it....my eyesight is so poor now in dark corners, that I didn't see the leak until John came and pointed it out to me.  Everything had to be shut off and there was no hot water for a bath for little old me last night.  I gave John my credit card and he, with much knowledge about these matters, went downtown and came home with the new h. w. heater.  Today, he installed it, and sometime this evening, no doubt, the water will be heated and ready to wash dishes and myself.  I am on pins and needles, waiting. 

I started to go through seed catalogs last evening.  They start to arrive now before Thanksgiving, I see.  I actually felt pressure to start sowing seeds and planting; just realized that next spring is still far away.  And thinking about the effort required for gardening has me a bit apprehensive - ah, but next Spring!  Still far away. 

The weather has become dark grey, cold and fairly wet, though a heavy rain would be appreciated.  Still, it continues to be 68 degrees in the house, and there's no need to light a fire in the fireplace.  But I can't get over the realization that the weather isn't changing, isn't going to change - IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED!  This is global warming!  Our forest here in the northwoods is stressed out from lack of rain (or snow).

I ate a corn dog for my lunch - a frozen c.d. on a stick - and bemoaned the stick, which was made of beautiful wood.  Trees are being cut down to make corn dog sticks.  Will not buy again.

All this in addition to my troubles with the cook stove on the fritz has made the usual appearance just as the holidays are upcoming, but I am not going to worry about things now.  I'll cook that bird in a slow cooker and be happy to have it. 

I think I have recovered as much as I ever will from the stroke I had in early March of this year.  There is no difference or improvement in my eyesight, and no difference or improvement in my impaired speech/thinking.  Of course, dizziness from the medication still bothers me daily, and I don't like the taste it leaves.  I had my blood tested yesterday, and they are shrieking that it's a point lower.  So?  I can just take 1/2 pill more a week, and they don't have to get so excited.  I refused to come in more often for blood tests.  Nobody else tests me about the other pills I am taking, and I just don't get it. 

I spent a huge amount of money on food this month, more than I need, but it's a good feeling to know I am well stocked(?) for the upcoming festivities.  But there's a problem with my cookstove, and it doesn't seem like there's a lot I can do about that.  I asked my daughter to lend back to me the huge crockpot I loaned her, and the turkey will cook in that just fine. 

My son called to let us know that he and his buds are all safely stashed in their hunting shack, waiting for the deer season to begin.  That's today, of course, so I haven't let the dogs out, and I may have to tie them up for their own protection.  I normally just open the door after their breakfast, and they run out of here like arrows.  But they return very quickly; still, I don't want them to go.  Not today. 

I am almost through with Christmas shopping, and my "frugal Christmas philosophy" is beginning to take hold in my family now.  No expensive gifts will be required - if you want to spend a bunch on your partner, that's your business, but not for family or friends.  It's wonderful that food is being bought and expended to anyone who wants to eat up, and that's the Joy of this season. 

It was 42 (?) years ago today that he was born.  I had a house-ful of guests, sleeping everywhere, including my bed, but I was busy anyway, sewing the new neon-orange fabric over my husband's hunting pants by hand.  I would lie down on the couch if I felt tired and try to grab a few winks, but there were pains and perspiration.  I thought this could be labor?..?..  It's about time???

The early morning came, finding me frying hearty breakfasts for the men, and packing lunches for them to take along to eat at noon.  I think I may have mentioned that I might be having the baby??  Or not...

They left to hunt, and I began to pack my suitcase for the trip to the hospital.  Just in case this was it.  Called my mother to come and get me in awhile.  The weather, that's the thing that I remember the most.  As I got into her car, and later, when we arrived at the hospital, I really looked at the weather and at the snowdrifts all around us.  It was very cold, the snow was deep, and the wind was swirling around. 

My doctor didn't complain, but his red wool shirt was clearly visible under his hospital attire.  I wasn't the only woman who had ruined the first day of hunting season for him; there was another one in labor down the hall.   

The point is that the weather has changed since then.  On this day, in this year, there is no snow cover at all.  And this has been a concern for quite a few years now.  The ground is not frozen, and my planted spruce trees look very stressed out.  I planted over 100 of them some time ago, and water is the thing they have lacked all these years.  There are parts of the country getting so much rain, it washes everything away, but on this upland forest, rising by an inch or so a year, we need the rain.  I am gratified this morning to find a few drops of rain falling, but it is not a substantial amount. 

But HE was born later that morning or afternoon, I can't remember the exact time now, and he was such a joy to us all. 

I seem not to have much of anything to post about lately.  I am happy, but not as up to snuff as I used to be.  I have a common cold, and I need to blow my nose a lot.  This makes me punchy and easily irritated, causing me to mis-step, mis-place, and mis-everything.  I actually dragged in downed branches from the woods, and cut them up, using a light-weight electric chain saw.  That's probably when I caught cold, and also nearly ruined my back/neck again, too.  But I am pleased that I cut up some thinner oak branches all by myself.  I have been enjoying the fires I build everyday now.  Everybody around here is waiting - just waiting - for winter to begin in earnest.  I'll go out there again today as soon as I am finished ruining my eyes on this computer. 

I did go into town yesterday; there to purchase the 4 items I needed to get at the grocery store.  $76.00 later, I dragged all the bags in and made a huge, scrumptious salad, steak, and potato puffs for supper, along with my latest craze for Jello with tropical fruit and lo-cal whipped topping.   

Ugh!  Gob!   

Been feeling very good lately, except for the dizziness and eyesight problems, which seem to be here to stay.  Just have to compensate for those two features.  This coming week, I will be expected to drive to my daughter's house for T-Day.  The Packer Game starts before noon, I think, so the turkey will be cooked and eaten before it gets dark (now at 4:00).  They want me to be back home by then. 

I have been preoccupied lately with getting ready for Christmas!  Today, in the nice sunshine, I will help get more firewood in from around the house, and I might put some corn out to feed the deer.

My dogs are good, behaving well, and not leaving home much.  The guns are blasting away in the woods, hunters sighting in their weapons for the hunting season.  I knitted a blaze orange neckband for the dog to wear on his runs through the woods with John, but Pepper, who looks so like a bear, can't keep anything on her neck (things just slide off). 

I very much like my hair at this shorter length, and it is easier to comb and brush too.  I somehow feel like I am waiting for something (big) (wonderful) (important) (scary) to happen to me now.  I suppose it is the mentality of our times. 

Going to make a beef stew today, and tomorrow, I should go to town to pay bills, and pick up a short list of grocery items.  I'm almost out of coffee.  I know that the winter PROJECT will soon become apparent, but I am in no hurry to find out what it is.